4-5-19
Let me preface this story with my recent prayer request. I’ve been asking God to show me His heart and give me His eyes. My prayer was heard and today, I got a glimpse of it.
After an energetic and loud but fun-filled day of 5thgraders at summer camp, we went to lunch in the cafeteria like we do every day. And of course, I was really hungry. As we were walking down, Alyse mentioned that yesterday she saw a girl eating alone and wanted to sit with her. As I was eating my chicken, rice, and really spicy green beans, Alyse pointed the girl out. She happened to be sitting at the table right next to us, alone. My heart started feeling weird and I asked Alyse if she wanted to go sit with her. We both got up from the table, walked over, and took a seat in front of her. She looked up from her noodle soup and was taken aback by our presence.
We asked for her name three times before giving up to the echoing sound of screaming children that surrounded us. We tried to start conversation with her but it lasted maybe 10 seconds due to the language barrier. Our translator came over for a couple seconds to help us and we found out that she was in 11 and in the 4thgrade (we had the 4thgrade group the day before). We continued to eat in silence. I looked at her waiting for her to look at me to exchange a smile. However, she never did. She ate really slowly and hung her head low the entire time. She looked up around three times only to make sure people weren’t staring, teasing, or talking about her. Alyse told me that yesterday, girls were pointing and laughing at her because she was sitting alone. My heart shattered into a million pieces. During all of this, I caught myself feeling frustrated at the other girls around us. Prior to us coming over to sit with the girl, the table was empty. However, as soon as Alyse and I took at seat with the girl, other groups of girls came to sit at the table without even acknowledging the girl who was originally there and her space.
As she got up to throw her barely touched lunch away, I grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes and repeated “you are swi, swi, swi”. Swi in Thai means beautiful. I am not sure if she heard or understood what I was trying to say given my poor Thai pronunciation. She said “ok” and walked away.
When we got back to the table where the rest of our team was eating lunch, I began to cry. My eyes would not stop producing tears in the middle of this cafeteria and I couldn’t help it. Just by a short interaction with this young 11 year old, I could see her lack of self-confidence and worth. Her lack of eye contact, her timidness, her caution at hoping no one was laughing at her again, her soft-spoken voice, the loneliness that filled her eyes. All I could think about was how many mean and hurtful words were said by her peers. I wish I would’ve chased her down to hug her and shower her in words of encouragement. All I wanted for this girl was to know God’s immense love for her.
As I reflected back at my prayer request, God was revealing His heart for his children who don’t know or believe their worth. When we don’t know our worth, when we are broken and beat down by the world, His love covers us. His heart breaks far more than mine did when this girl walks feeling like nobody cares about her. Although the interaction was seemingly pointless and short, He showed me that He used Alyse and I to let this girl know that she is not alone. That she is beautiful. That she is seen. That she is loved.
I am sure we’ve all been this girl at one point (or many) in our lives whether it was when you were sitting alone or just feeling alone in a room of crowded people. It’s really easy to let lies fill your head during these times of loneliness however, God sees us. He knows us by name. He knows how to love us when we can’t love ourselves. He comforts us and sits beside us. He is a good Father.
