It was our first meal at the orphanage and we walked out from our room to a table and 7 chairs. As we sat down, we saw the children eating on the floor. The older girls started to bring out plates of rice, meats, vegetables, and soup. I reluctantly ate my meal, in silence and discomfort. After eating, the children were quick to collect our dishes, stack the chairs, and wipe the table. As we tried to help out, the children told us “no”. Later that day, we decided to play a game. The children took each of our hands, moved the sitting table to the shade, and sat us on chairs as they stood. Every 10 minutes they would ask “hot?” and if one of us said yes, they would bring out umbrellas and hold them over our heads. On our walk, they picked us flowers and put them in our hair, representing honor and respect. Throughout all these moments, the only thing running through my mind was “I do not deserve this. My mission was to serve them, not be served. This is all wrong.”
There are three main types of cultures in the world: fear/power, honor/shame, and guilt/innocence. America has a guilt/innocence culture, the perfect example being its legal system. People live their life in accordance to the law and if they don’t, there is a consequence. In Southeast Asia, among many other Asian countries, culture is defined through shame and honor. In Western understanding, shame often arises when an individual feels like he/she has not lived up to the expectations set forth by him or herself. However, shame in non-western cultures occurs when an individual has not lived up to the rules and expectations set forth by the community. Beginning at a young age, children are raised knowing that these expectations and rules help build group harmony and unity. With that being said, Asian cultures value harmony, cohesion and community whereas American culture prides itself on independence and individuality.
Understanding the shame/honor culture has helped me better love and serve the people of Cambodia. Their expression of gratitude is to “honor” us through their acts of service. Because this is so different from American culture, it has been very difficult for me to receive it freely.
Shame and honor in the Bible: Isaiah 54:4, Psalms 62:7, 1 Samuel 2:8, Ephesians 2:5, Ephesians 2:19, 1 Peter 2:5-11, Ruth and Naomi (Ruth), Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 9), The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32)
