If you asked me to describe Month Ten in one word, and if I was being totally honest, I’d give you the one complacency. Yikes.
I hate admitting that out loud, but it’s the truth. I spent my first week fighting altitude sickness and a sinus infection the second. Our ministry turned out to be much lighter than planned, so between feeling like we weren’t actually doing anything and actually not doing anything, I found myself headed straight for a bout of depression that I hadn’t experienced since the crazy spiritual atmosphere of Africa hit me in the face.
The reality is ten months of backpacking and having our hearts broken is just hard. We’ve chipped away at our unhealthy habits and painful pasts to reveal who God created us to be. Re-entry is glooming over us and that alone adds all kinds of weight. Most of my squad would tell you they’re tired. We’ve hit a place where the wow is gone and uncomfortable has become our normal. Travel takes a toll on even the healthiest body, and we definitely aren’t living our healthiest lives. We’ve been grown and stretched in the best ways possible, but sometimes you just get tired of digging deep into old wounds and bad habits. We’ve seen so many spectacular sights in such a small amount of time that they don’t quite spark the soul like they used to. I frequently catch myself unimpressed and have to check my heart and remember to choose gratitude.
Most people don’t get to see even a fraction of what we’ve gotten to experience. It’s not uncommon around the world, and even in the US, to never leave your local neighborhood. Not only have we seen the world, but we’ve been invited into people’s lives. We’ve shared meals and testimonies and done life in ten different cultures. And that’s huge. And I’m sad I’ve started taking it for granted.
I don’t share this with you to brag about my year or ask you to feel sorry for me and my ‘tough’ year of traveling. I firmly believe anyone can fall victim to complacency or apathy in any place or season. An exciting new career eventually becomes your routine. A new house can eventually feel too small or too cluttered. I mean we’re literally the culture of instant gratification and consumerism. If we aren’t intentional to catch our society’s tricks and the pressure social media adds to our lives, we’re prone to end up really ungrateful and really unhappy.
God’s splendor should never ever be met with complacency. No matter how tired or burnt out you are. No matter how routine your exciting, stretching life is. We were created to worship in awe and reverence. We’re never finished growing and learning. Ecuador could very easily become ‘just another mountain’ for me. But that’s CRAZY! Because it’s stunning. Did you know Ecuador has like a gazillion species of hummingbirds?! I don’t even know why we need that many species, but that just shows God’s creativity. We also had a volcano in our front yard this month… A VOLCANO! Cotopaxi to be specific. And apparently even though it erupted 100 years ago, if another Ecuador volcano erupted, it could set off all the Ecuador volcanos and well, you’d have a really big mess. AND THAT’S SO COOL! Devastating, probably, but worth a whole lot more attention than apathy. Not to mention we met the coolest, nicest people this month. From our pastor to our construction crew friends to our hosts. The hospitality and kindness we found here was unbelievable.
Our squad scripture for our year is Psalm 27. It has been prayed over us since we launched. We read it together every time we’re all together, and if I’m being honest again, it became just another Psalm. Until today when I started praying through the end of this season and beginning of the next. I found myself in Psalm 27 and it felt new and fresh and super powerful. It has SO. MANY. great truths, too many for this post specifically. But the thing that was so refreshing for me this morning was verse 4:
One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.
I want to rest at the feet of God for eternity. That’s literally all that matters. To gaze on the beauty of the Lord. But you can’t do that through complacency. So if you ever find yourself there, take a deep breath and slow down. It’s totally okay to take a step back and allow God to work in those places. Ask to see people as he sees them. You’ll be so amazed at what happens! Pray to find joy in the little things. Everything in life has the opportunity to be awe-inspiring and exciting. Sometimes you just have to work a little harder to find the beauty or face the growing pains. And if you let the Lord into it, I promise he’ll come through!
