“Wow! You are so brave!” “I wish I trusted God as much as you do.” “You have such strong faith! How do you do it?” Truth is all of these statements are false. I am not brave what so ever. If I leaned on my own bravery I wouldn’t be doing most of what I get to do now. I would love to say that I have “strong faith”, but truth is, I found that I struggle in absolute faith.
Within the next few months, I will be fundraising over $18,000. $18,000?!?! Yes, $18,000, well it’s almost that much. It’s such a terrifying number and just even writing about it gives me anxiety. I constantly find myself writing blogs and support letters, then realizing I didn’t actually ask for any donations. If I’m being completely honest asking people for help is really hard for me, but what’s even harder is asking people for financial help. How the heck am I supposed to raise over $18,000 when it frightens me to ask others for money?
The people around me are constantly saying the Lord will provide, just trust Him. It’s hard to trust that He will provide when I’m constantly looking at my funds bar and it hasn’t moved. It’s hard to trust that He will provide when I’m scared I’m burdening someone by asking. It’s hard to trust that He will provide when I can’t even fund some of my own trip. I could continue to go on and on about how “it is hard”, but the more that I pray and actually listen to what God is trying to tell me all my fears and doubts become lighter. A couple of days ago I was beyond stressed and I began to cry out to go asking for help because I believed that I was not going to be able to raise any money. His response was remarkable. In that moment the Lord told me, “Stop crying out to me and do what you know you have to do! I have given you the people to help you. I have given you many opportunities and the resources you need! Why are you still sitting down crying out to me when you have a job to get done?!”
So I have a personal question for you. How much do you spend on coffee or on fast food daily? How much do you spend on those shoes or shirt that you “gotta have”? How much do you spend on things that you later regret buying? I know all too well what it is like, most of my checks are spent on food and things that I don’t need and it’s definitely something that I am working on and getting better at. Now I ask you if you will do the same. Honestly, $5 a week will be the greatest blessing you could give me.
Matthew 28: 19 says “Therefore, go out and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.”
That is exactly what I am trying to live up to. I prayerfully ask that you take the time to listen to God and hear whether He is calling you to help send me.
