Tonight I cried::
Tonight, the race became real. Outside of my immediate family, roommates, and those I asked to be character references for me…tonight, was the first time I said the words "World Race" and "I'm going" out loud. Sure, I had thought about the race… I even pre-blogged about it this weekend. But until this evening, I don't think I fully comprehended the emotion behind my decision.
Tonight, I shared with a dear friend and mentor, K, my decision to participate in The World Race. I didn't even have the words out of my mouth before the sobbing began. I kept justifying myself and telling K, "I really AM happy… I'm SO VERY happy." But the tears didn't stop*. I kept crying and I began to fear that my tears were somehow sinful. How could I be crying about a call that the Lord himself has put on my heart?
Tonight my desires came true::
One of my favorite things about K is her honesty. If I ask her how she is, she is real…she is gentle, but honest. Tonight, when I interrupted her family's dinner to share my heart bawl my eyes out. She didn't say, "oh you'll be fine!" She didn't say, "this is probably normal." She looked at me and said, "I am so happy your hearts desires are coming true… it's okay to cry."
I feel incredibly blessed and honestly inadequate to see a calling put on my heart become a reality. I’m a dreamer and a schemer; there have been SO MANY a few times when I was 100% sure God was calling me to do something I wanted something so bad, I was ignoring that God was calling me to be patient. So I was prepared for a no, I do well grieving loss and non-acceptance…I wasn’t prepared for God to say “yes.” And now I’m more a blubbering mess than I was all those times He said, “wait”.
So… fellow racers, supporters, family members, and to the person fighting the desire to apply to the World Race::
Tonight, it is okay to cry. It is okay to feel overwhelmed, and confused. It is okay to mourn the death of old dreams and rejoice with the fulfillment of your heart’s desires.
My prayer tonight, is that each of you have a K in your life; someone to encourage you and speak words of truth into you. I pray that you rejoice in knowing that the Lord is pleased when we abandon ourselves for His will. He knows your fears and He has conquered them, and He can comfort you through them.
*for those of you who don't know me…I am not a pretty crier… what is it with those girls?!
