If you’ve followed my blog up to this point, or if you’ve had a conversation with me in the past month…this blog post may seem redundant. But, after a lot of back and forth I still feel it’s worth writing. Possibly just for my own accountability.
I’ve been thinking about life on and after the race a lot lately. Not in a rushing things sort of way, or in a worrying about tomorrow way. But more in a curious as to how I’ll be different, how life will be different, sort of way. I’ve thought about how I’ll probably spend a lot of time in coffee shops crying…and how that’s really no different to my life now.
I’m realizing, more and more each day, the Race is a gift. It is essentially a do-over and I believe my life is going to be radically changed over the course of these eleven months. I am also aware, that it is completely possible for me to miss it entirely.
The Race is a season of my life… leaving for it won’t change what I’m leaving, living, or coming home to. It will ((hopefully)) put into perspective things I’m running from and clinging to.
It has the potential to wreck me, but as I have learned…I have the human strength to prevent that. Because, I have a tendency to do so.
I have had opportunities in my life to turn from sin, but chosen not to. I’ve had relationships I’ve known to be unhealthy… but I’ve pursued them anyway. I’ve had people pour into me, only to be met with me keeping them at arm’s length. I am selfish with my spending, with my time, and with my community.
These are all possibilities for the Race… all ways I am fully capable of sabotaging my blessing.
There are areas of my life that the Race will change with or without my consent. I will no longer live in ignorance of the slavery, hurt, brokenness, and needs of this world.
But there are areas of my life that must change regardless of the Race. There are areas where my heart must be transformed, or the Race will be all for nothing.
As I enter into a season of rest before the Race, I ask that you would pray for a renewed ((read::more gentle)) spirit. I desperately desire to experience the Race life-joyfully and with full abandon.
But, in order to do so I’m pretty sure there are things Christ is asking me to lay down before the Race…
The man’s face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go. –Mark 10:22
And I’m pretty sure it’s going to be painfully beautiful.
My prayer tonight is that I wouldn’t be like the rich young ruler for one more day. That I wouldn’t fight the works that He is already doing in me. That I would be steadfast in prayer and seeking Him now, instead of waiting for the Race. I pray for the strength to deny myself for Christ. For the patience and grace to give myself daily as this journey has already started in my heart.
