{even in my doubt}

I have finally composed myself enough to write this; picked myself up off the floor, dried my tears, and double-checked to make sure my eyes hadn’t deceived me. 

 
Last week, I spent a few quiet days writing thank you letters to sponsors.  I shared that God was using this season to teach me about manna.  Until now, I have wanted for very little in my life.  I’ve had any resource I needed at my fingertips, or at least just a little stretch away.  But, I don’t have $15,500.
 
So I found myself feeling like the Israelites, questioning that God would really provide for me in this calling.  Wandering around the wilderness of Nashville complaining, to anyone that would listen, of the woes of fundraising. 
 
Then, ten days ago…my dad tweeted at me.*  “For every $25 donation made, I’ll match it” This was HUGE! People loved it… My first country ($1,409) was funded in just three days!
 
It was funded by several donations of $25.  Not one big lump some, just small faithful donations by people that love me ((or wanted to see my dad pay up)). 
 
I was reminded of the Israelites again.  How God provided for them with manna, each morning, enough for what they needed…no more, no less.  I had a peace come over me. 

This World Race will be funded with manna:: small amounts of support, words of encouragement, and prayers at just the right time…not before or after, but at just the right time.  

Well… I guess God thought that I’d learned enough about manna. 

This week, He taught me about His greatness.

 
This week I learned that sometimes people believe in me even more than I believe in myself. 
 
You see, I had a number.  I had a secret number in my mind, that if I hadn’t raised this amount before it was time for launch I would ask to leave in January instead.  I know! That is probably an unforgivable in World Race etiquette… but it’s true.
 
This week, God destroyed that number.  He destroyed my doubt.  He used people in my life, and people that I don’t even know, to confirm His calling me into missions.   
 
As I sit here, writing to each of you, I am humbled by your faithfulness and your encouragement.  I am grateful to the point of tears for your generosity. 
 
My prayer this morning::
To keep tiptoeing towards Christ without fear of rejection.  That I continue to feebly attempt to serve him even when I question the worth of my efforts. 
 
Even in my doubt, He has been faithful.  In my uncertainty, He has continued to call me.  In my resistance He has been patient.  And in my misgiving He has blessed me. 
 

 
 

 
* for those of you who know my dad, or follow him @tcrashin, you know that a notification like this has a 50% accuracy rate.  Sometimes he’s tweeting me, sometimes he’s tweeting a famous british triathlete saying, “thanks for taking care of @stcashin”