I'm pretty passionitable. That is, I catch passion often.
It took all of three paragraphs in Jen Hatmaker's book "7" for me to wear the same seven pieces of clothing for an entire month last summer.
And, this wasn't the first passion I've caught. In my twenty three years, my parents could probably list for you twenty three different schemes and dreams and passions I was sure I should pursue… I was sure God was calling me to::
rescue the orphans-all of them, education reform- all of it, clean water initiatives, put shoes on every child's feet-ever, ending world hunger-forever, end the high school dropout epidemic, house the homeless- clothe the homeless- feed the homeless
you get the idea.
But in case you need a better picture of 9-year old Stephanie, she loved sharing with other third graders that if they had more than one winter coat they'd stolen one from the poor.
that's from the gospel of St. Shane (see Luke 3:11)
Well meaning at best, but shallow and minimally committed at worst.
This month we are in Thailand.
It is heavy.
I am working with women literally rescued from human trafficking.
And you know what? I haven't asked my parents to sponsor visas for any of the women at the cafe. This is huge people!
Not because my heart has been hardened, not because I am not called to love these beautiful women- that is the furthest thing from the truth, and not because human trafficking doesn't need people fighting to end it.
Honestly, it's taken days… and days and days… for me to have peace with what was, what is, happening inside of me. I prayed for the tears to come, for the heartbreak for the passion. How would Jesus see and love and speak and care for these women?
I poured over the Gospels.
Searching for a proper response, a proper emotion, a proper "call to action".
This is where it's gotten me.
I am called to love.
I am called to love Bing, Neuk, Gwang, Mai, and Dok Mai, right were they're at.
I'm to seek wisdom in the morning and in the evening. To ask for words that heal and bring life. To wash the dishes when it means a moment of rest for them, to serve them, to share my banana chips with them, to honor their culture, to intercede in prayer for them.
And you, maybe you are called to move to Thailand! Maybe you are going to start an organization that ends human trafficking forever… I hope you do! I pray that if you don't someone does. Maybe you're reading this and you're thinking I'm the most coldhearted Christian ever and don't deserve to call myself a World Racer.
But that is not my heart, that's not what I've been learning this month, and that's not even what this blog post is about.
This is the story of a girl. Who has found passion from secondary sources her entire life. She's found inspiration from blog post, from guest speakers, from weekend youth retreats, from frightening statistics (that were all true and not biased at all).
She responded emotionally to every persons story, saw a little bit of herself in every non-profit ever and somehow got lost (or distracted) along the way…
And this month she found wisdom in The Word.
This month in Thailand she feasted on the instructions for how to make her path right. She was inspired by the life of Christ and the letters from St. Paul. She learned passion from disciplines and love from the Cross.
This month she responded much more like Christ- with prayer and fasting and moments of solitude and words of life-
and a lot less like a maniac bandwagon hopper- with arms flailing, tears falling, protest signs holding and an eventually exhausted spirit.
Sweet friends, hear my heart.
I love blogs obviously. I love responsible use of social media. I love stories of hope, and encouragement, and of needs I'm able to meet. I love community that challenges me to think or love uncomfortably.
But I love The Word more, and I love the conviction of the Holy Spirit more than the conviction of the dot com.
And I'm learning… to balance.
PROVERBS 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a
man,
but it is the purpose of the LORD
that will stand.
I'm learning every fight doesn't have to be mine.
Every calling isn't meant for me to answer.
Every story isn't mine to pen.
I'm learning…
