So, since I am really unsure about internet access in Swazi, I wanted to be completely open, honest, and vulnerable with all of you, so that you can pray.
I am tired.
We’ve been on the field for 7 months. In this time, I’ve slept in almost 20 different “beds,” been in 16 countries (who ever said 11 in 11?), eaten unrecognizable food, and spent over 400 hours traveling on either busses, taxis, airplanes, boats, or various other forms of transportation.
You’ve read my blogs. God has absolutely remained faithful to His promises. He has healed. He has redeemed. He has answered prayer. He has showed up. I don’t doubt him for a second. He has never let me down.
To top it all off, He’s allowed us to have fun. To surf the Pacific Ocean. To hike the Andes. To take a ferry to Italy. To see snow in Hungary. To spend a night in the Middle East. To pet baby lions.
I have no complaints about the Race what.so.ever. I’m just…tired.
Especially after this month. Sweating all the time. Eating rice and beans all the time. Having nowhere to sit comfortably. It’s so so good. But it wears you down a little.
I know it’s what I need. That’s why even next month, I want to sacrifice some of the things that I find comfort in, because I know I need to be uncomfortable. That’s why I’m living out of my daypack. I know God has tons to teach me through all this.
It’s not working too hard and not taking time with the Lord. If there’s ever been a time in my life where I’ve been able to seek the Lord wholeheartedly, this is it. And it’s not that we never rest. We do. But I’m still just tired.
I need to be refreshed amidst this lifestyle of abandonment. That wont come from anything material, no matter how fun it is to watch an episode of TV on our computers, find ice cream, or get to sleep in. It won’t come from spending the entire hour before a traditional african meal dreaming about Chick-Fil-A (we do that a lot.) It will come from the Lord. And perhaps a good night’s sleep. At least this month we won’t have witchdoctors next door banging their drums.
So yes, I love the World Race. This is the best thing I’ll never do again. 😉 But right now I need some serious refreshing. There are so many people in Swaziland, Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, and back home that need the love of Christ and a taste of the Kingdom, and I want to be that love for them. So, prayers are appreciated. For now I’m just going to keep pressing through, keep loving on people, and keep dreaming about Chick-Fil-A 😉
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.Isa. 40:28-31
Father, I’m not asking to soar like an eagle, as cool as that might be, and I’m not seeking to run like a marathoner, though I’d love the legs and lungs to do so. Just walking upright with a renewed heart, a steady gait and replenished energy will be enough.
My hope is in you, Abba, Father, for you promise daily mercies, steadfast love and sufficient grace. I’m not depleted, though I’m heading in that direction. I’m not depressed, but have enough of the blues and blahs to take my condition seriously. I look to you for all the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical strength I need. The next few months are going to really busy. Send your Spirit. Please grant me good sleep and real Sabbath.
Because Jesus embraced the ultimate weakness and weariness of the cross, I’m confident of your burden-bearing love. You are the perfect, present and persistent Father. I may be weary in my servanthood, but I’m secure in my sonship. Nothing can separate me from your love. So very Amen I pray in Jesus’ tender and triumphant name. -S.S.
