I remember like it was yesterday, we took a hour and half drive to get WiFi. It’s been about a month since I’ve had internet access. I had hundreds of email, notifications, and messages to check. I opened a messages from my old roommate and I read:
Hey Steph, this isn’t the way I wanted to tell you, and I know you’re not going to see it for a while but you should know…Josh Douin passed away today….
My heart sank into the deepest pit of my chest, and emotions flooded my mind. I didn’t know whether or not to be angry, or weep. I could not speak. I was paralyzed. In a busy restaurant surrounded by people, I felt completely and utterly alone. I could not believe it. I scrambled through my phone to his Facebook page to see for myself. There I read hundreds of posts written in his remembrance. People shared memories, photos, videos, and information about his funeral and obituary. Seeing all of this made it very real. I missed everything. It happened two weeks prior, and I was a day late and a dollar short. All I wanted to do was be home. To mourn with our community the loss of an incredible young man that touched so many lives.
Questions began to race through my mind. What was his funeral like? What even really happened? How is his family doing? Did he get to hug them goodbye that day? When was the last time he told them he loved him? What was it like to meet Jesus? What does life without him even look like? I asked God Why? Why so soon? Why him? Now he will never be married, or have kids, he will never graduate from college. I started to close my mind off to the business around me and drown my thoughts in memories of Josh.
When I lived back in the states I worked at a local Methodist Church as a Youth intern. Those kids were my life. I had the privilege of knowing him the last few years I was in Wakulla. He was active in our church and youth program. He helped me MC the lock in we had 2 years ago. He helped us with the kids at Vacation Bible School. (They adored him) He came to youth on Wednesdays and Sundays. He would help me organize frisbee-fridays and we would all hang out until his curphew. He was so talented, so athletic, and just a breath of fresh air. His smile would light up the darkest of rooms. You couldn’t stay mad at him. He would just smile- and everything seemed better. I remember going to his drama productions. He was a natural on that stage. I remember seeing him be crowned homecoming king, and dancing at powderpuff games. Fish feared him ladies loved him. He was a mess. He was so well known on campus and in the community. His 19 years may of been short lived but I know they were amazing, full of love, and memories. He was so loved by so many people.
Hearing about his death had me limb-struck. The rest of the day was a blur. I felt so alone, I was in Africa to mourn his loss by myself. We had an hour and a half drive home and I was silent the entire way. I just stared out the window and gazed at the stars. Reminiscing his life made me think of James 4:14 “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while then vanishes.”
Truer words have never been spoken. Josh is gone now, and we’re left with some sweet memories and photos in a frame.
Facing Josh’s death really got me thinking. It made me really evaluate my life, and reminded me life is so precious.
When you leave this world, you can’t take anything with you, but there is a lot you leave behind.
I want to ask you what you’re DOUIN with your life? What are you leaving behind? What are people going to remember you for?
Are they going to remember how much stuff you had? The extra addition on the house? How many places you’ve traveled? What kind of vehicle you drove? How many degrees you had? Your rock hard abs?
Or are they going to remember your smile? Or the way you encouraged people and put others above yourself? Are they going to remember the time you spent with them, and the way you made them feel seen? Are they going to recall the way you loved them? Will they remember the light that shined through you? Will it be undeniable by the way you lived that you went to meet your creator?
I said in my previous blog ” people don’t often remember how you start but they almost always remember how you finish.” I am not just on a mission trip called the World Race. Everyone is on their own race. -The Race of life. How are you gonna finish?
What are you DOUIN with your life? What mark are you going to leave on this world?
Are people going to remember you- or the Jesus in you?
How many peoples lives have changed because of knowing you? How much impact do you make on each person you meet? Is their life different because they met you?
My life is different because of Josh Douin. I saw Jesus in him. Sure he messed up, he made mistakes, but I saw the way he loved his family. He looked up his brothers and loved his sister so much and he spoke so highly of his parents. Josh knew he was so loved. I saw the way Josh worshiped God, I saw the time and effort he put into things and people he loved. He invested in our youth program and loved playing with the kids. He had pure joy from the Lord and he loved life. Josh had an all American family and seemed to have everything going for him.
But none of that matters now. His life was taken just in a moment. But a vapor…There are very few guarentees in life, but death is one of them.
I cant focus on Josh’s death. I can only celebrate his life and the moments I got to spend with him. I need to rejoice about the lives he influenced and the people he impacted. I bet people stood for hours at his funeral talking about what a wonderful son, friend, and brother he was. So many people had the pleasure of knowing him. So many lives were changed because of him.
I want to ask you friends, when God calls you heavenward and the day of your funeral comes…What are people going to talk about? What will they remember you by? What first and lasting impressions did you make in peoples lives? How are you going to finish your race? (read my previous blog http://stephaniebelow.theworldrace.org/post/finish-strong)
Tell those you love you love them. Say things you need to say. Forgive quickly and love deeply. You may never get another chance. And don’t forget YOU are the only Jesus some people will ever see. What are they going to see when they look at you? How are they going to remember you? What are you DOUIN with your life?
