A journal entry 12/19/15
Last night at 12:30 I was swaying in my hammock back and forth, trying to fall asleep. I was wide awake due to the lights, rain, footsteps, and talking. I lied awake praying while trying to calm my mind and drift off to sleep.
All of a sudden I heard my teammate yelling to our host who was downstairs “RYAN! Is that you?” There was a pause…
Typically I cant hear much through my ear plugs but last night was different. I could hear a pin drop. I felt a breeze as my teammate ran past my hammock. Louder she yelled ” RYAN! There is a man in the bathroom!” “RYAN!” I thought she was delusional. She is typically frightened by minuscule things. I lay petrified fearing she wasn’t joking.
What if?
What if there really was a man in the bathroom? Would he come after us? Was he trying to steal from us? Hurt us? Who was he? How did he know we were up there?
My heart raced and the questions spun out of control.
I didn’t know what to do. So I didn’t move.
Suddenly I heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs. Ryan was on his way, Emon, and Marlon trailing closely behind him. They ran into the bathroom calling out to whomever was hiding. 2, 3, 4, times they called for him to show himself. Finally he came out and they escorted him downstairs.
I managed to get enough courage to peak out of my hammock to see what was going on. I saw the last few moments play out and the man being taken away. My teammate still hiding behind her bedroom door realized it was safe to come out. Other people started to mosey out of their bed, confused by the commotion.
It felt like a dream. In a matter of minutes, everything was over. What if she would not of been awake? She had lost her cell phone and was on a midnight rage to find it. Thank goodness! What if her phone had not been lost, would she of still been up? What if that man had had a gun? What if instead of the bathroom he walked into the bedroom and locked himself in? Who was he? My mind continued to race.
By this time everyone was awake, so we gathered and prayed over our teammate and each other. We prayed for peace, comfort, understanding, and safety, we thanked God for looking out for us, and protecting us. Ryan put a lock on our gate to ensure this wouldn’t happen again.
Shortly after everyone was tucked back in their beds I laid in my hammock wide awake. I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying what happened in my head, and worse what COULD of happened. All I knew for whatever reason God had his hand of protection on us that night. Nothing was taken, and no one was harmed. I realized in that moment I was helpless, I was FULL of fear and worry. But Why?
The creator of the Universe had his hand over me. Over us. So what is there to fear? Psalm 118:6 says “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
I apologized to God for not trusting him. For not having faith he COULD and WOULD come through for us. Yes it COULD of been bad, and far worse. BUT it wasn’t. He promised to NEVER leave nor forsake us, to walk through the fire unscathed, and to uphold us with his mighty hand. I had to remind myself I was no longer a slave to Fear but a child of God. He doesn’t want us to live in a spirit of Fear, but in faith, hope, and trust in Him.
This reminds me of a story in the bible. In Exodus. Lets set the stage:
Imagine the Fear. You’ve just escaped the most powerful kingdom on earth to follow an 80 year old shepherd. Pharaoh is coming after you with increasing speed with an army of his 600 best chariots. The best trained army in the world is pursing a ragtop group of Hebrew slaves and camp followers. Now might be a good time to panic…
We find the Israelites in an open space with their backs to the sea. Its a dead end, no way out. The escape seemed impossible. But this fear was not just in their minds. Pharaoh was coming. Rather than telling them to take up their lives and run for their lives, Moses gave a surprising command. “Do not be afraid…The Lord will fight for you; you need only be STILL. “ We all know the end of the story. The waters parted, and the isrealites crossed the sea on dry land while the sea closed over the pursing army.
So what can we learn from this? Perhaps maybe God wants us to recognize, we all harbor some kind of fear – real or imagined. For some maybe its fear of the future? Fear of failure? Fear of never getting married? Never having kids? Fear of divorce? Not being accepted? Maybe being robbed? Or threatened by terrorists? There are a plethora of fears out there. Some even have phobias that seem irrational to others, but overwhelming and life altering to us. No matter what our fears may be, Gods word resounds “Do not be afraid.” Fearlessness is not a suggestion, it’s a command. We can overcome our fears by being STILL. Lets cultivate a lifestyle in which we learn to draw our courage from our times of stillness, quietness, and prayer. Lets trust that we need not fear anyone or anything but trust he is ALWAYS with us and his hand of protection is upon us, and we can rest easy.
Psalm 4:8 In PEACE I will lie down and fall asleep, for you along Lord, make me dwell in safety.
