As part
of our ministry here in Jacmel, we went into town last night to put on a
service for the townspeople. After we shared the gospel at the end of our
service, we went around and prayed with the people. Rachel, Rebecca and I
prayed with this one lady and then Rachel turned and felt led to another lady. [We
later found out that her name was Julie] I didn’t feel compelled to pray with
her at first so I stood and played with and attempted to communicate with the
young girls that were next to me. Then I heard God speak to me and call me over
to Julie. So I joined Rachel and Rebecca and Amos [our ministry contact and
translator] who had just finished translating the lady’s prayer requests. I
just made it in time to pray with her. As soon as I put my hand on her, my
heart just shattered and broke for her. At the time, I didn’t know why. I
didn’t know what she was going through but I felt great sorrow, pain and
depression so I prayed for joy and restoration upon her.
When
we walked away, I was trying so hard to be strong and not cry. I asked Rachel
what her prayer request was and she told me that Julie had lost her husband and
she had four kids that she could no longer provide for or take care of. She had
to give them away to an orphanage. She no longer knows where they are or how
they are doing. She has no job because she cannot find work. She has no home
and no place to stay. She has nothing. I normally would say that I
could not even fathom all of that, but this time I felt it. I truly felt what it was like to be a widow, distraught
over the well being of my children, not know what the next hour of life brings
because of having nothing. The only way I can describe it is heart wrenching.
As
Rachel was telling me all of this my heart just felt like it was slowly
shattering piece by piece. It’s no wonder I felt so much of this when I laid my
hands on her to pray for her. I instantly started sobbing and felt so much
despair. I felt completely helpless.
As
Rachel held me in her arms, I cried out to God and asked Him why He would call
me to all of these people that I am going to meet around the world, only to
feel what they feel, having my heart shatter over and over and then having to
lay them down at the foot of the cross, trusting and having faith that His hand
is at work in their lives and He is in full control. His reply back to me was
that He gave me this burden bearing gift so that I may identify with the
emotions, feelings and experiences of others so that I can intercede on their
behalf and know how to pray for them and what exactly to pray for; also to gain
a deep compassion for these people. If I didn’t have the gift of burden
bearing, then I would not be able to put myself in the shoes of others and
truly identify with the pain and suffering or the joy that they are feeling. I
would not know how to truly pray for them. God comforted me by reminding me
that Jesus identified with the pain and suffering of others even though He was
never a widow or had to give up His children. He truly felt what they felt and
was able to intercede on their behalf and bring them to His father and bring
them peace, joy and hope for the future. God firmly told me that He has called
me to do the same.
I am
finding that the hardest part for me is to let go and to lay down these burdens
down at the foot of the cross. So much of me wants to help these people and to
comfort them and provide for them and to just be there for them. However, I
realize that I am incapable of doing all of those things, especially when we
only have a matter of minutes or hours to spend with the people that we meet.
It is God that they need and in Him all of those things can be found. God has
called me to these people for a reason – to share the Gospel, to carry their
burdens and to lift them up to Him.
I am
not just learning to die to my “self” daily, but hourly. With this gift it is
so hard for me not to hold on to the emotions and feelings of others. I am
learning to release them and perpetually lay them all down at the foot of the
cross. I am learning not to carry the burdens on my own and to give them to the
one who is all knowing, all powerful, supreme, and omnipotent.
God
has confirmed this gift and has reassured me that it is not always going to be
easy, but that He is the great provider and comforter and He will never leave
nor forsake me.
Praise
His glorious name for His continuous wisdom and guidance in helping me walk in
my gifts!
