So we were asked to write a blog here at camp about our time so far. I promised myself from the beginning of all this World Race-ness I would be completely honest in my blogs, no matter what. So here it goes…
Training camp as been probably one of the hardest challenges in my life yet. I’ve been pushed emotionally to where I thought I’d never have to go/feel again after accepting Christ back into my life. And after the first two days I really really wanted to just go back home (and cuddle with abbey and izzie).
I haven’t felt God’s peace and comfort here like I have the last 6 months in preparing for the race. The enemy has been overwhelming me and has been filling me with a whole LOT of fear and doubt. And instead of being mad at the enemy and fighting back I’ve been upset at God. uh oh.
Let me clarify though, I have no doubt that I am suppose to be doing the race. I know 100% God is calling me here, but have a ton of fear in surrendering ALL to Him. There are some things I am not ready to surrender to Him, some things I don’t want to give up. And you know what, it might take me till month 11 to finally be completely free in Christ. Surrendering all when you’re hearts desire isn’t there yet sucks, Lets face it.
BUT that doesn’t mean I don’t love God anymore or I’m not going to be obedient. I’m just having to overcome fear and pain from my past that I thought I’d already overcome and He’s breaking me down only out of love so I can become the amazing woman of God he has in plan for me, in His name.
I know He is beautiful and I know in Him I can be strong and all things are possible. The challenge is just getting my heart to sink with my mind. I have faith in our loving God, but I know I need a whole lot more.
So yes I accept the challenge. Theres no turning back, but right now it is so hard to be at peace with that. So please pray for comfort and peace! No more distractions from the enemy and no more anxiety.
John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in Him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” short and sweet but yet so complex. As terrified as I am to continue down this path, how silly would it be not too? He promises me life. Apart from Him is death. Theres only 2 choices. simple right? So Father, I ask for your comfort in my heart. comfort in You alone. strength in You alone. wisdom in You alone. so I can be an effective disciple for those you have planned for us to reach.
On a more positive note! We have gone camping!! (yes even more rugged than our tents) When I got back to my tent I never thought I’d be so happy to see my new home, ha. We got to swim in the lake, which was so so so fun and we have ate lots of fun weird food and done awesome team building exercises and a whole lot of worshiping. Everyone here is so loving too!!! I haven’t seen Dan much, or should I say his new nickname: 10K (ask him about that story later, its greatness) but I know he’s doing awesome. He is such a rockstar and on fire for Christ. His faith and trust in the Lord is amazing and I can’t say enough of how proud I am of that man in Christ :] whoever ends up with him on their team is going to have an amazing race experience. k gotta go, love you guys!!
