I dunno why I always feel the need to update you guys about my blogs in my blogs… makes no sense but here ya goes. I’ve been wanting to write more on Haiti and our experience so far, but I’m still at lost for words in this department. I can say that I have truly enjoyed every second of ministry so far. God has also been showing me a lot about myself this month.
Last month in the DR, I began to really struggle with a heart of comparison. Being on a race squad of 74 strong Jesus loving brothers and sisters, having an awesome church home foundation and hearing so so many encouraging stories from my amazing boyfriend whose has been spreading the Gospel over in Eastern Europe for the past 3 months definitely has lead parts of me to opening doors up to the enemy and letting fear creep in.
“Woody, you don’t have a heart of prayer like her”
“You’re not having experiences like this person or that… your not growing spiritually”
“How do you expect to come off the race as strong as him with the rate you’re going with God?”
ouch satan. A fear of not experiencing God’s full intentions for me through out this next year and missing out on what He has in store for me had taken over my thoughts. My dear race buddy, Stacey, made such a good illustration that made perfect sense. I’ve been looking down at Jesus’ footsteps with someone else and trying to fit my own into them, but they are too far apart and too big. I’ve been missing what God wants for my journey because I’ve been trying to be this way or that. Trying to perform and DO instead of just to BE with Him. I realized I needed to stop trying to climb up a ladder that’s not meant for me and just run to the Lord. When I left the DR I had no idea what this was suppose to look like for me.
Since being in Haiti, it’s been on my heart more and more for me to be effective in His Kingdom and on my team through His desires for me, not my own. I’ve been praying since before I left the states for God to use me. I never looked at it from the way that HE wants to use me instead of the way I want to be used. I long to be more intimate with Him. I’m ready Lord to drop my net for you, I’ve been ready and now I’m just waiting… patiences my child.
Wellllll, I’ve been getting frustrated. Why would God call me on the race and not use me? (again, use me from my standards) God is using me I know this, but some days my selfish thoughts take over. The other day God pointed me to Luke 12:31-34. “…for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” I will no longer be bound by fear and discouragement. I will place my heart in God so that no thief can come and take away His Kingdom in me. To just BE with Him. It’s not about what that looks like to others, but by just being obedient in love, honor, trust and having a heart of fire for Him.
In these past two weeks, my Father has been answering my prayers :] From being encouraged singing in Creole next to adorable orphans in church- two nations all under the same God, to teammates out of the blue telling me they see how anchored in Christ I am and are inspired, to even in the stars… the other night we were worshiping on the beach and as I was looking up at the sky I thought of my bestie, miss kara… when I’m in New Hampshire with her family we always look for shooting stars. I told God it would be awesome if I saw a shooting star. Low and behold, He sent me two!! I couldn’t help but crack a huge smile.
It’s funny how God fulfills the desires of our hearts, all we have to do is ask and wait. be still in Him. He is always there listening and waiting on us to call for Him. It is this trust, trust in the things we cannot see that keep us going. His love should be in all we do because ONE man died for every single one of us. wow. Most of the time I can’t explain or even begin to understand His plan for me, but I’m learning that that is okay. I don’t know if I will ever see someone healed or get a specific vision from God, but I do know that whatever happens is meant to happen as long as I continue running towards Christ with 100% FAITH. He made me ME for a reason. He is a mystery and his depths are endless and if He wasn’t this way He wouldn’t be the creator of all nations!
I have to remind myself of this daily and even now as I type I struggle…
