I’VE SEEN I AM.

this week has been the hardest week of the race for me. an ending to a season in my life and a new beginning that God has in store for me in which I can’t see His sweetness just yet. I remembered a quote I saw on someones journal at our last debrief that said:  “Lord, I love when my plans fall apart and I can see Your plans fall into place.” hmm… im not there yet, but it is my goal.

its now 12:40AM and I can’t sleep. I just got done watching The Devil Wears Prada (ahh I forgot how much I love that movie! okay back to reality)… I lay in bed confused. sad. rejected. and lost. so I put on some Jonathan David Helser and I’ve Seen I Am begins to play in my headphones. listen to the song below.

this song hits home. I’m sick of the lies. I’m sick of the fears. I realize why God put me on the world race. He has been teaching me to turn to my Savior- to depend on Him alone. He has been teaching me that I am loved. to love. and to accept His love. all through Him. that I am His beloved. and that there is NOTHING else than can show me His kind of love. there is no one else who loves me unconditionally like He does. there is no one else or anything else that I can turn to for comfort. there is no one else that can free me of my past and current pains. there is no one else that can guide me in my future. there is no one else that has conquered death for me. for you. for all of us.

He is a Lion. a Lamb. a King. a Savior. the truth. the Light. the only way in life. and He wants us all to Himself. He wants this for me and beyond my own walls- He wants to see a generation CHANGE.

This is why I came on the race. not to do a good deed. not to just follow in obedience. not to live out my passion. not to get travel the world. but to SEE and BE a part of God’s change in the world. so more and more people can find out who God really is. who the I AM is. to be able to stop searching for a solution and to find the answer. to find His love. His grace. His mercy. His free redemption. His loyalty. His FREEDOM. so we don’t have to live in a world of fear anymore. in a world of lies. because tonight those fears and lies were in my head. and then He reminded me of who He is… love. He is no more pain. He is stillness. He is I AM.

I’ve seen I AM in the forgotten slums of the Dominican Republic.
I’ve seen I AM building foundations right deep in the middle of the disaster zone in Haiti.
I’ve seen I AM in the hopeless and sick in Romania.
I’ve seen I AM shine bright from the few sheep not lost in Moldova.
I’ve seen I AM on the faces of children playing soccer with a hand made ball out in the bush of Malawi.
I’ve seen I AM live right smack dab in the middle of a Muslim community in Senga Bay, Malawi.
I’ve seen I AM bring love and hope and value to the homeless and prostitutes in Cape Town.
I’ve seen I AM conquer sin through His grace to hundreds in the prison on the island of the Philippines.

this is my prayer tonight for me and for all of you: Lord, I’ve seen I AM all over the world, but I have yet to fully see the I AM in myself. help me to see all of You in me. put this song into my bones so You can shine brightly for all to see. For when I am faced with fear- help me to choose PEACE. When anger builds up, help me to overcome it with LOVE. When hearing lies, help me to speak the TRUTH. When drowning in pain, help me to sing with joy Your PRAISES. When covered with loneliness, help me to pursue COMMUNITY. and when battling the enemy, help me to FIGHT FOR YOUR KINGDOM. all the days of my life, breathe life into me. make this my reality. collide my heart and Yours. collide heaven and earth. and as I was just reminded by a good friend’s blog- don’t forget that what the enemy intends for evil and our destruction, God can turn around for His glory… help me Lord to see You in the midst of my confusion.