Jesus calls us to confess out loud our thoughts, fears and
sins. so this is my attempt to get out just a glimpse of what has been
on my mind the past 6 months. In hopes of helping me process, but also
showing others they are not alone…
PART UNO:
Since
being home as you can imagine I have been bombarded with so many
questions… What was your favorite country? What did God teach you? How
is being home? etc. the one question I could never answer in words
though was- “Why is re-entry so difficult?“
Well
until this week that is. This past Tuesday I was able to go to The
Porch for the first time in 2 months and man was JP’s message dead on to
what I am going through right now.
He spoke on “What it means/looks like to be satisfied in suffering”- I highly suggest you go listen to it HERE.
I
realized that re-entry is so hard because the race is a somewhat
controlled environment. In a sense of you are always with the same
people, you are forced into community 24/7 and because of how we are
living and traveling we HAVE to rely on God in ways we don’t have to
here in America.
SUFFERING is an opportunity for you to have FAITH.
FAITH is an opportunity for you to receive Jesus’ BLESSINGS.
and God’s greatest blessing is His PEACE. us trusting him.
I
had a glimpse of this while overseas. I trusted Him. I had
indescribable peace. I saw His many many blessings. from saving my
teams’ lives in Africa, to providing food and water and beds when we
didn’t have that on top of all the miracles we saw God give to the
people we were ministering with and to.
re-entry has been hard
because to be completely honest I have not figured out how to have that
kind of faith in Jesus over here. I had a glimpse of it and now I strive
to be that person in America, but our culture has everything going
against us. We don’t live in 24/7 community. Our culture teaches us that
life is all about ME ME ME. It is about being comfortable, not relying
on God to provide. While on the race it was less about ME and more about
HIM. Learning to trust God I have learned is a process. just like it is
with people. We must train ourselves. and so my question is how do we
live this way in America?
PART DOS:
When
I first got back my community group read the book “So Long, Insecurity”
by Beth Moore. I hated the book at first. It was very hard to swallow.
It is not a feel-good book, but a lets-call-you-out-on-exactly-how-it-is
kinda book. At the end she has a prayer. It is too long to post it all
on here, but I wanted to re-post the parts that hit home the most with
me and what I have been struggling with…
Dear God,
I come to you this moment because I am in need of some things only You can give me. I need restoration. I need healing. I’m sick of sulking.
I desperately need and want to be delivered from my chronic insecurity.
You know what motivates me. You know what shuts me down. You have not
given me the spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND. Grant
me the supernatural confidence that I am safe with You and loved by You.
You know why I think like I do and why I feel like I do. You know my every thought. You know my every disappointment. As you reveal Yourself to me, I ask that You also mercifully revel myself to me.
Grant me insight into patterns I’ve developed and give me answers that
bring healing. Help me to trust You and only shed light where You’re
willing to heal. I am painfully aware that I have created some of my own
misery, with my relentless pursuit of control… forgive me for my
unbelief. Forgive me for the inordinate self-protection that has only managed to imprison me.
I also ask You to pull up the roots of insecurity that were not of my own doing and usher in healing and restoration. I give You my whole heart. touch every broken and wounded place with Your healing hand. Where
there is still life and opportunity, bring redemption to those
relationships. Help me to understand that if I do not seek healing and
wholeness, I will instead end up perpetuating the cycle of injury. Help
me to see where I am overly sensitive and where I put too much pressure
on relationships. Help me to quit saying “This is just the way I am” and
remind me that I am capable of transformation with You. Help me to
cease being so easily wounded. Help me to realize that it is pointless to demand that others love me more or love me better.
I cannot put a human in charge of my security without setting them up
for certain failure. Help me to not find perfect people, but genuine
people.
Please
restore my soul all that insecurity has stolen from me. Transform what
drives me. Extinguish what triggers me. Give me discernment to call a
lie a lie. You recognize my attempt to fill the void with things that
never suffice. Flood my life with purpose and compassion. Empower me to trust You and not fight for control. YOU are my security, O God.
Use change to provoke what needs changing in me. Nothing is without
purpose and nothing has thrown off the plan. Your intent is to make a
wonder out of me and show me what You can do through me. You mean to increase the praise that comes to You because of my life!
Love,
Woody
