On the World Race I have learned a lot about Myers-Briggs.
I’ve always thought of myself as a mix between a golden retriever and a panda. This is confirmation.
Myers-Briggs is a personality test which involves four categories:
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Introvert (I)/Extrovert (E): Your source of energy; whether you are energized by other people or you need alone time to recharge.
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Intuition (N)/Sensor (S): Your use of information; whether you add meaning to received information or take it in as is.
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Feeler (F)/Thinking (T): Your basis for decision-making; whether you use feelings or logic to make decisions.
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Judger (J)/Perceiver (P): Your need for structure; whether you prefer to have decisions set in advance or if you would rather make decisions on the spot.
In the test you answer several questions about yourself, and the answers are used to create a list of characteristics. For example, mine is in between introvert and extrovert (X), intuitive (N), feeler (F), and judger (J).
At training camp we learned what each element of Myers-Briggs means. The characteristic I have seen most clearly in myself lately is Judger (planner, scheduler, etc.)
Before the race, I didn’t realized the extent of my tendency to plan. Now I see that I can’t remember a time when I didn’t obsess over possible futures.
I plan in order to have control. I think of the future because I can decide the details of each proposed scenario. It makes no difference if my plans become reality because I will always be dreaming up the future when the present is passing by in the background. The present is less appealing because it’s singular, defined and difficult to control. Although I can’t control what will happen, I can control what I imagine will happen.
But then there are times the present pulls me away from my constant planning. Moments like this morning during chapel. The students of the school we are working in this month just got back from a weekend retreat. I heard about the girl next to me being baptized and when worship started, I heard them singing as they raised their hands. I realized then God planned for me to be there. Not in my head deciding what side item I should buy for lunch next Monday, but actually there.
I’m reading a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. The book is about learning to live a good story. Reading that book has inspired a mantra that I find myself repeating often to myself:
I don’t want to write my story.
I don’t want to write my story.
I don’t want to write my story.
I say the phrase over and over again because I desperately want it to become true. I want to want to live the life God planned for me. I know his plans are so much better than the ones I create and obsess over. I want to want to give up my hopes, ambitions, the scenarios I’ve sorted out in my mind.
I know I can trust his story for me, I do.
God’s words spoke into being creation. His words directed the stories of Noah, Abraham, Moses, our salvation.
I Peter 1:24-25
“All flesh is like grass
and all its glory like the flower of grass.
the grass withers,
and the flower falls,
but the word of the Lord remains forever.”
I want God to speak through my life. I want to be a part of his story.
I don’t want to write my story.
