There is a thin sheet of ice from the shore to the dock, like a thin, grey cloud fell from heaven and settled only to become frozen in place.
Long evening shadows crisscross the yard and my exposed fingers protest the wintry chill.
Georgia red clay and evergreens alongside a few various naked trunks and limbs reflect off the water creating a dark and hazy portrait of what is reality. Kind of the way all my dreams seem, a little dark and hazy, a bit of reality but from a distance all melding together to create undistinguishable lines with a beauty entirely their own but not quite concrete.
A gaggle of geese are noisily voicing their suggestions and arguing amongst each other. A few of its members break away to laugh and enjoy their sport of leapfrogging one another and then skimming and skidding to a stop atop their liquid playground.
Across the lawn, fragile, silver spider’s webs shimmer and glisten in the dying light and I wonder at building in such a vulnerable, exposed place.
And as I sink to the earth a deep sigh escapes from my throat and the torrent of tears that have threatened for hours are released.
Finally the sobs subside and I sit drinking in the peaceful nature that surrounds me before being driven in by my still protesting fingers now joined by my nose and toes.
In the midst of my minor emotional meltdown, call it a personality flaw, I realized that who I see me as and who others see me as is vastly different. When it comes down to it I have managed to create my own stress by my own soaring expectations. It is a pattern in my life, one that I intend to see broken.
The best perspective came from my ever loving and ever faithful friend Kim Hillebrand who looked me in the eyes and said, “You’re telling me that you made it through training camp, survived a year around the world with a bunch of people you wanted to knife and you’re going to let a free two week program with goal setting and time management take you out? Seriously?!”
Well when you put it that way…
