“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” -Matthew 5:4
Dear Daddy,
I miss you. I never thought for a second that forever would come to an end. I just knew that there would always be another conversation or another chance to say “I love you.” I was for sure that tomorrow would always come; I never pictured life without you & it hurts to realize another memory won’t be created & another laugh won’t be shared. It’s like how do I say goodbye to yesterday when everything I have to hold on to about you lives there & honestly, for the past 5 years, waking up every morning is kind of bitter sweet for me because everything seems normal until I open my eyes & realize it was just a dream. After you left, I lived with regret for so long; thinking I could have been there more, thinking I could have called more, & thinking I should have prayed for you more. I think to myself a lot of times, why is it so easy to express how much you love someone after they are no longer here? Why didn’t I give you more of an effort to give you the roses while you could still smell them? These thoughts are killing me, until I realized this isn’t how you would want to be remembered; this isn’t how you would want our relationship to be remembered. You were too much of a happy soul to want anybody to live in regret & grief forever. You would want a celebration of your life because you believed that death wasn’t the end; but that this was just an eternal reward that we all seek. You would want me to keep your legacy alive by giving the world something that you taught me, believed in, & still live for. I could hear you saying now, “Steph, it isn’t your job to understand God’s plan. But it is your job to trust it, even when it hurts to do so” & just thinking about that keeps me strong. So, me doing this World Race, is not only for me, but for your memory & that makes me feel closer to you than I have ever felt. It’s like I can see your presence & it’s like your more alive to me than you ever have been. It’s like now those tears of sorrow have been replaced with tears of joy. You taught me 3 things that I want people to hold on to, once I am gone:
1) John 3:16
2) Never live in regret, but in appreciation.
3) Don’t pass away with me, but keep what I believe in alive in you.
You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory, so I’ve learned to appreciate them all. Thank you for teaching me all that. I know I will see you again because nothing loved is ever lost daddy.
I’m about to show the world what we are made of.
Forever in my heart,
Stephanie Lauren
