I was driving back to my parents house the other day after visiting my best friend in Madison before she embarked on her journey of close to 3 years serving in the Peace Corps. After a long 5 hour drive, I entered Andover, MN the place I called home for 18 years. Driving past my old high school, the place where so many memories were made, so much was learned, and times of heartbreak endured, I realized how far I’ve come since then. When I spent close to 7 hours a day in that building, I thought I knew a lot about life. Thought I knew a lot about what it meant to really live and to really love. I was so wise about life in general, at least so I thought, where I really had no idea how life could really get much better, or deeper. Man, was I wrong. If you were to ask 18 year old Steph where she would be in just 4 short years, she probably would have said something like: “Just finished college, probably getting married soon, and going to graduate school right away to get a degree in criminal justice, then move back to the cities, close enough to my family to see them whenever I want without the hassle of driving far. (I know, weird right?)
What does almost-22 year old Steph say about what just happened over those 4 years?
Well, I went to college, finished a 4 year degree in 2 1/2 years (thanks PSEO), got a degree in Psychology and Child Advocacy Studies, am not even CLOSE to being married (THANK THE LORD, I am nowhere near ready), went on a Summer Project where I heard about the World Race briefly, started an anti-trafficking club on campus for 1 1/2 years, went to Thailand/Laos where the sex industry/trafficking was my main focus of ministry, became a small group leader for a wonderful group of my peers at college, and then graduated college, applied/got accepted for the World Race (WHAT?!), and now I’m 12 days away from leaving everything I know for a year, not getting a salary for a year, living out of a backpack, and living in a constant community with people I hardly know.
Holy cow 18 year old Steph, you had NO idea what life was going to look like. Now all of those things are simply achievements or things that I’ve done. What have I learned in the past 4 years?
1. God is the only constant thing.
When I left home for the first time going to college, that was the only thing I could cling to. The God I knew in high school, is the same God that went with me to college. When I didn’t have familiar faces to cling to in times of need, I had the Lord. Now in this new season, GOD IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING. My life is about to change dramatically. I will have new norms that should not be normal (talk about sleeping under a mosquito net constantly, living among huge bugs that I don’t even know the name of, eating strange foods where I can only tell you about the consistency of it rather than identification, taking crowded, long, transportation everywhere I go, and taking cold bucket showers every couple days).
2. Home is no longer just a place. Home is where my heart is.
My heart is in Andover, my heart is in Winona, my heart is in Thailand and Laos. My heart is soon to be left in 11 new countries with countless people I will love deeper than I ever thought was possible. Home isn’t just a place anymore. When I am one place, I long for the “home” of the other. All of the people in my life who mean SO FREAKIN MUCH to me cannot all be in the same place at once. Home is now a state of being. Where my heart is full and my love is constantly being poured out.
3. The Lord’s plans are ALWAYS better than our own.
You see the difference of what I thought I’d be doing at this point in my life compared to what the Lord had planned?!? Not even close to being comparable. THANKS JESUS!!! You are such a good good Father, and the things you’ve laid out in my life all lead up to bigger, better things that I could not even come up with on my own.
4. Living in community is the greatest, realest, hardest, most vulnerable thing you can do.
Being in a community is one thing, but truly LIVING in community opens the doors for so much love and genuine truth in your life. The people the Lord has put in my life are truly incredible. I have never felt so loved, so cared for, or so encouraged before meeting these people. They have all played such an integral part of my faith journey and life. Thank you for loving the real me and challenging me constantly.
5. The Lord cares about the little details of our life.
Those things that you don’t think matter much to others, let alone God? IT DOES MATTER! The things that seemed so insignificant are in fact, significant to the Lord. He uses the little details of our life to mold it into something incredible. My brokenness, the ways I feel so inadequate, he uses those the most. In my WEAKNESS, He is STRONG.
When I was 18, I thought there wasn’t much out there besides the small little city I lived in. Everything was so familiar, I drove the same streets daily, and knew all the places. Saw the same people, and went through the same routine. Never in a million years did I think I would crave being in uncomfortable situations, where things are changing and new, and where I don’t know everything. The world is so big (duh), but if we never leave our comfort zone, we will never truly understand that. I desire to go deep in everything I do. Deep in love, deep in faith, deep in my understanding of people and cultures, deep into seeing what the Lord has created. Home is no longer just a place. It’s wherever the Lord is with me and where my heart is overflowing with love.
