Sometimes there is sin in our lives that is really, really, really hard to let go of. Whether it is something you’ve lived with for so long, something that you don’t want to give up with for the fear of it being absent, it feels good or it is fun, or maybe it is a coping mechanism for all of life’s problems. It’s the thing we run to, the thing we cling to when we don’t know what else to do. It is crippling, it destroys your relationships, your identity, and your outlook on life. Yet you don’t want to give it up. Why? I don’t really know.
The question: “Do you want to be well?” is something that has been ringing in my mind for the past couple weeks. I’ve wrestled with it, ignored it, wanted it out of my mind completely, and embraced the thought of it. In John 5, there is a crippled man who has sat outside this community pool for 38 years. Verse 6 says: “When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him,“Do you want to get well?”
“Although Jesus knows the man has been ill for a long time and also knows what is in his heart (2:24-25), he nevertheless initiates the contact by asking if he wants to get well (5:6). This Gospel stresses both divine sovereignty and human responsibility, and here we see both Jesus’ sovereign approach to this man and the importance of the man’s own will. This is another of Jesus’ questions that are intended to reveal one’s heart. What would we say to Jesus if he asked us whether we wanted to be healed of our own illnesses, physical or otherwise? Do we want to be rid of our addictions and other sins? Ten minutes hard thought on this question could lead us to new depths of repentance. It seems like a silly question–of course he would want to be healed. But perhaps the man has grown accustomed to his disability and would prefer the known pain to the terror of the unknown, with its new responsibilities.” (InterVarsity Press New Testament Commentaries)
With all this thought of wanting to be well leads me to share a little encouragement that I received from the Lord this morning. I was thinking over and over:
“God, I don’t even know if I want to get well. This is all just so ingrained in me that I don’t want to let go of it. I don’t want to live life without it.” And as I was thinking that, I felt him pull at my heart with the most tender truth.
He said: “I understand that Steph, but I WANT to MAKE you well.”
He wants to not only see us well, but he wants to be the one to make us well. Despite my wavering feelings of wanting to be well or not, He is constant, and He is always saying: I want to make you well. I want to bring you freedom. I want to be the one to do that.
InterVarsity Press Commentaries (https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/commentaries/IVP-NT/John/Opening-Revelation-Glory)
