It’s easy to say things like “I’ll be happy when…” and insert the multitudes of things that we like to think would make us happy, if only we had them. When does there come the time where we say: I am happy NOW. I am happy in these mundane circumstances, I am happy with being content. I am happy with the choices that I’ve made, the dreams that I am working towards, but also what I am doing right NOW.
That has been something that I have really struggled with this past semester of being in Winona. After graduating in December, I planned to still stay in Winona and work because I still had the commitment of being on leadership as a small group leader at the church I’m at. Also, I wasn’t ready to leave all my friends here just yet. My life was kind of a whirlwind of one thing after another right around December with graduation, hopping on a plane to head to Thailand/Laos 12 hours after walking across the stage, coming back on Christmas Eve and spending the holidays totally jetlagged, and then just the extreme amount of time I had to spend with friends and family for the week after that. Then coming back to Winona hit me and the reality of what was next. I sat with idea of working and just jumping into a full-time job right away but something about that just didn’t sit right with me. My heart longs to abandon what I know, dive recklessly into the pursuit of what God is calling me to, and that call right now is the World Race.
I’ve been mentally, spiritually, and physically preparing for the World Race in October, but have found myself dreading the “now”. Mundane tasks fill my day, working 4 different jobs, having little time with friends, and always just exhausted at the end of the day. Why am I here right now? What is the purpose in this period of time where I feel like there is no purpose? People keep asking how graduated life is and right now, I kind of hate it. I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off, no structure in my days and finding it difficult to be motivated to do things I’m not necessarily “required” to do. I have found the Lord telling me to slow down recently. To stop worrying so much about filling every waking minute with something productive, but instead resting in the fact that I am His. That I am loved, that I am adequate, even when it feels like I’m not. He has been preparing my heart for the fact that not everything on the Race is full of excitement or joy. There will be days that are full of mundane tasks, things I don’t feel like doing, and lack of motivation even with a focus in place.
So how can I prepare for this? By finding purpose in the now. To be thankful in ALL circumstances, and find joy in the mundane. I need to REST. To take time and invest in the relationships in my life, starting with my Heavenly Father. I am not able to do anything on my own: I have tried and have found that it only leaves me feeling burnt out and run down. REST. Take a step back and realize that life is a series of days, and not to let those days waste away by having a negative attitude about the things that fill them. Each day is not to be taken for granted, and I know that sometime when I’m on the Race, I’ll be wanting to go back to this moment as well. To have the time I have now, the people that are so close to me, and the comforts of home surrounding me. Right now I am excitedly anticipating the World Race, excited for that day to come. But in order to make the most of that, I have to invest NOW. Find purpose now. Be thankful now.
