The thing that the Lord told me I need more of the other day, and I can tell you that I’ve needed dependence on him more than ever this month. I asked, “but what does that even look like? People say that all the time but do any of us actually know what that practically looks like?” Asking rhetorically, I did not expect an actual answer. But a few short minutes later He said,
“Steph, dependence is entrusting what is mine to take care of, and leaving it to me to actually take care of. Not you trying to take ownership of something that you cannot control, and relying on me for all of your needs instead. Trust that I will do what I’ve promised to do, and just rest in that.”
Since arriving in Swaziland, I have seen dependence manifest itself in many different ways. From stepping into a new team, in a new role of leadership, in a new country. To having a call from the emergency line that something had happened back home with my family and having to rely on the Lord to comfort not only me during this time being away, but my family as well. To the kids that sit at the door step of our house all hours of the day and beg for food and trusting that the Lord will provide for their very needs, and that it would not be through an act of trying to make themselves cry in order to try and swoon over the savior complex of a lot of westerners. We do not and never will have the power to provide for every child’s needs and that breaks my heart. But I do know the God who is able to and is already working in tremendous ways to do that. The dependence that with every day means one step closer to home, and one step closer to wondering what is next after the race.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve fallen into the trap of control and wanting to have control in order to make sure that things go as I expect. Since being on the race, a lot of that is completely stripped from you. From limited freedom, a schedule that is set out for you, to living in community and not ever really having your own space, to the comforts like showers or toilets that don’t always exist. Control or order doesn’t ever really exist right now. So, that’s where dependence comes in.
Dependence in my spiritual, emotional, and physical health. That the Lord is my sustainer, my comforter, and my source of joy and sanity. He knows exactly what I need before I even ask for it, and he knows exactly what I need in order to grow as well. Most the times our trials and despair is a way for us to grow in more dependence on the Lord. See, he wants us to depend on him. He doesn’t want us to worry about what tomorrow will hold, how we are to get through the day, or how we are going to walk into a situation in which we have no control.
2 Corinthians 1:8-10
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises from the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us…”
The Lord is my strength and my defense. He is a mighty God who we can depend on. He will deliver us time and time again!
