Oh Guatemala…Your people, your culture and your love have brought such joy to my life.
I am blown away at all that God has taught me just in one short month.
I have gotten to experience so many amazing things.
I have prayed over premature and malnourished unnamed babies.
(thank you Denise for this amazing photo)
I have played with little beautiful Guatemalan children full of life and joy.
I have painted and painted and painted some more. Watching how it blessed the people we were painting for was overwhelming. One church was so blessed that they gathered around us to pray afterwards and literally cried for us when we left.
I have gotten to bond and fall in love with a team of seven beautiful women.
…and so much more!
This month has been a time of brokenness and growth. I have never seen a group of people pour out the deepest parts of their pasts and hearts. I have literally had my heart broken over and over again watching my squad mates grieve and learn how to overcome the wounds in their life. I have never experienced such a deep love and compassion for people that I have only just met. I have never opened up my heart, my past, my wounds, my secrets all to help someone else see that they are not alone.
While watching how people can grow and love on each other through such brokenness, I was reminded of specific people in my own life. People that loved me through my brokenness and never gave up on me. These people reached out to me when I didn’t want help. They pressed in and fought for my life when I wanted to give up. These people loved me when I hated myself. They watched me hurt myself and fall away from God over and over again. But just like the intense love of Christ….they loved me anyways. They never gave up.
These people know who they are as they read this. They are probably thinking about each time I hurt them as I struggled to deal with the overwhelming pain in my own life. They are probably remembering how ungrateful or oblivious I was each time they put their own life aside and put mine first because they knew that I needed it at that moment.
To each of you…I need to publicly apologize. I am sorry for not realizing in the moment how much you were laying aside to fight for my life. I am sorry for ever manipulating you or taking you for granted. I want you to know that I am here today because of YOU. God captured my heart because of YOUR love for me and showing me that no matter how far I thought I was from the love and grace of Christ…He was right there to take me back. I need to thank each of you publicly for every time you selflessly loved on me and know that I am praying blessings to each of you ten fold.
God placed this burden on my heart this month. I have been overwhelmed with God revealing to me this new identity in Him that I never realized I had. As I have started to see myself as God has seen me all along, my eyes were opened to the process it has been to get me here. As I have poured my heart out to others that are hurting and struggling to find God’s love through the pain, I found myself seeing things from the other side. I’m learning how to fight for my team mates when they may not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m learning to love them exactly where they are at in their process no matter what the circumstances are. My heart has literally ached for them as I have watched them going through this process as I too am still learning how to deal with things. Was this how it felt for every single person that has reached out to me over the past five years?
I am so humbled and realizing more every day. I praise the Lord every day that He reveals something new to me or gives me the opportunity to love on a little Guatemalan kid or serve someone less fortunate. You have no idea how it has melted my heart to hear little voices yell “Estephanie!!” as I arrived each day for VBS. I am so grateful for this opportunity and I needed each of you to know that your efforts to get me here have NOT gone unnoticed.
I may not be perfect.
I may still be learning.
I may still mess up and fail daily.
I may still struggle with sin and dealing with things.
But I have finally seen my identity in Him.
I have had my heart broken and set on fire for the Lord and I don’t think I have ever been more grateful than I am today.
Guatemala has been a perfect foundation for this race and I cannot wait to share with you what He teaches me next. Next month we will be in El Salvador living and serving at an orphanage. For more information go check out their website at micasakids.org!
See you in El Salvador 🙂
