It’s that time of the month again.

It's that time of the month again.

No…not what you were thinking.

This month I decided it was time to get rid of a few things.

I have been carrying a good 5-10 lbs of "just-in-case" items since launch. You know..the extra medicine, extra clothes, the three extra tubes of face wash, and all of the outdoorsman gear I thought I would magically fall in love with because I was coming on the race. I have held onto these things for months waiting for that day I would just have to have it or need it to get through whatever catastrophe I faced. I have also let my pack become a cluttered mess…

I have decided its time to start trusting God more and truly let go of my back-up plans. It's time to embrace where he has me right now…and trust that He will provide for the future.

I think I struggle with the same thing in my life…not just in my pack.

I have held onto the things that I thought I just couldn't live without. Whether it be an unhealthy friendship or relationship, some form of addiction, or just the control of my own life. I have learned on this race that you go so much deeper into a realtionship with Christ when you hold everything in this life with open hands. My eyes have been opened to so much more of what He is doing when I have chosen to let go of control. I get to see Him work in HUGE ways because I don't have my life as "cluttered" as I always have.

I find myself doing this with food on the race too. We find a month with good food or a choice between a salad OR American food and I all the sudden just HAVE to have it all!!

Do I not trust that He will provide? Maybe it's time to start having more faith in the little things and trust that He will provide in each and every moment. 

I have given up a lot for the race…but I have gained more than I could have ever imagined.

The things I have given up and struggled letting go of may be different than most…but I never imagined to be able to say that I haven't really fixed my hair in months (not counting Christmas Day). That I find wearing make up and cute clothing a privilege and something to get excited about. That working out and good healthy food is not always possible and has become a privilege and something to thank God for daily. That I can wear the same outfit three times in one week and feel no shame. That I can now leave one place having no idea where I will be or what I will be doing for the next month and not even have the slightest ounce of anxiety about it. That I have spent five months serving with an all women team and have actually loved it (most of the time :).

I left my career having no clue where God would take me or call me after the race. I left family I was just starting to get close to again, and people that I loved so dearly. I left selling almost all of my belongings to raise money and truly commit to this thing. I gave up the control of my every day life to see what God wanted to do…

I can tell you without a doubt, that I would have never found out that I had so much more inside of me if I would not have chosen to give up the comforts of my life before the race.