If you read my last blog, you know that I have been having some struggles in Uganda. These struggles were not so apparent in Kenya and Rwanda, where ministry was slow and excitement ran high. It was exciting to be in Africa; to learn the new words, to eat new food, to meet our host families. This kind of simmered down a bit in Uganda. It wasn’t our host; he was passionate, God-focused, and friendly – an amazing man with an amazing family. It wasn’t our ministry; we taught at the school Pastor Joseph had founded, and it was full of bright, cute, eager learners. I guess, it was just me. As much as I loved being in Africa, the wear of being on the field for seven months was getting to me.
This month also held new challenges. Pastor Joseph believed in raising people up – so, he asks all of us to get involved. On Sundays, nearly all of us get an opportunity to preach (church services in Africa last a lot longer than those in North America), we all teach a different subject at school, and we split up to go to different home cells to lead Bible Study. While I totally supported and was extremely thankful for these opportunities, that doesn’t mean that they weren’t hard to do sometimes.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m waiting for the perfect conditions in life. “Oh, I’ll be OK as long as I have this,” I’d think, or “Once I build myself up to this level, everything will run smoothly.” But when I think more deeply about it, there never will be perfect conditions. There won’t be a point in my life where I won’t face any more challenges, where I won’t feel I am still lacking in some area, where I won’t think something just isn’t perfect yet. There’s no perfect job where I won’t face some struggles and bad days. There’s no perfect place to live that I won’t miss something somewhere else. There’s no perfect man to marry with whom I won’t feel anger, frustration, or difficulty sometimes. While I’m in Uganda, I feel like I’m missing the comforts and easy accessibility to everything of home. But while home, I’d be missing the beauty, the people, and the culture of somewhere else.
The thing I’m learning right now is just to have a willing spirit. God doesn’t require me to muster up feelings and abilities that I don’t have. He doesn’t require me to change situations I can’t control. But He does daily give me a choice. Every morning when I wake up, I get to say, “Yes, God, I will discipline and train my body with a morning jog; yes, God, I will intentionally spend time praying to You and reading Your Word; yes, God, I will love the teachers and children that I meet today; yes, God, I will have a joyful attitude knowing you are in control; yes, God, I will choose what you have for me today.”
This Sunday morning, we split up and went to different church services to preach. Preaching isn’t one of my favourite things to do – I always have trouble thinking of what to say, and I get all nervous before going up in front of the congregation. In fact this morning was only my second time to actually preach (even though I’ve shared verses and testimonies before in other contexts). I had a choice to preach or not – we probably would have had enough people for me to sit in the background. There was no need to go through with the whole ordeal. But I knew if I wanted to grow further, this was what I needed to do. So I decided to say “yes” and have what God had in store for me.
After I had finished preaching, Hannah went up to the stand to share a testimony. I felt it was exactly what I needed to hear. She shared how when she was in her last year at college, excited and dreaming of all that she would do and experience on her upcoming trip on the World Race, God instead placed on her heart to reach out to her huge, over-six-feet-tall-intimidating-football-player American dorm neighbours. And He placed it on her heart to do it by baking cookies for them. What?!?! But she did it for them, and now they are friends and she even got to share the gospel with them. “The radical thing about Christians is,” she concludes, “is that we say yes to the things God has for us, no matter if it’s just baking cookies, saying ‘hi’, or travelling around the world to tell someone the Good News.”
So I want to be a woman who says “yes” to God. It won’t always be easy. And sometimes, all I can do is say “yes”, moment by moment, as each situation arises. But I hope that I always will…and I know that if I do, I will be able to grow, and He will be able to do His mighty work through me.
