I thought I had it all figured out. I had been through the all the crap, I worked out all my issues, and I was planning on just coasting through the rest of the race. I had nothing else to work on! Then God said "Aaannd, you’re team leader.”
Welcome new issues, new insecurities, and new lessons to learn I wasn’t expecting. This past month kicked my butt. I realized early on in the month that I was burnt out. And the bad thing is, I did it to myself! The minute I became leader, I tried to be everything to everyone. I was trying to be everyone’s counselor/fixer. I took on all responsibilities and didn’t disperse anything to the team. Instead of laying everything in God’s hands, I packed a huge backpack of junk, threw it on my back, and walked up the mountain of pride. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I was in a place where I was great with God and hearing from Him, so I tried to help everyone around me…everyone BUT me. I didn’t prioritize any time for myself or intimate time with God like I used to. Long story short, I had a crazy hard month and felt like I had nothing else to give. I was completely drained spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I didn’t know how I was going to last three more months of this. I felt done. Amazingly, God provided a great time for rest, and I’m no longer in that state of mind of defeat. I am revived and refreshed and ready for the last three months.
Looking back I realized that I actually learned so much about myself and about leadership in just one, short month.
#1- It is impossible to please everybody. No matter how hard I try, not everyone is happy when I make final decision about things; even things that I feel like God wants our team to do or direction to go. It sometimes make me doubt myself and not feel confident even when I feel a peace from God.
Then I was brought to this verse: Galatians 1:10- Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of God. — Boom. Enough said.
#2- I can’t fix people’s problems or issues. Only God can. My job is to push them to Him.
#3- I can’t take on people’s burdens and carry it on my shoulders.
#4- God is my only place to find true rest. The things people say as encouragement are nice, but temporary. I crave to hear spoken words from my God above any person on this earth.
#5- Empowering others is key. I don’t have to do everything myself. I am not an elementary school teacher anymore who has to take care of every detail to keep the group functioning. I lead grown adults who are amazing and gifted by God in awesome ways.
#6- Be myself!! I lost sight of who I truly am. Confident, unmoving, light-hearted, and having fun with my race! I put on the “leader hat” and became all business—that’s not the natural me. I can be responsible and get things done, without the unnecessary pressure I put on myself.
#7- It’s ok to show my struggles. Feeling weak in areas of my personal life does not equal weakness as a leader. Acting like I have it all together is pride.
#8- I am strong enough to beat off the lies of Satan. He has been attacking me a lot by reminding me of people in my past who have verbally torn me down about my leadership skills. Those opinions do not define who I am. God told me who I am.
#9- Best of all (Mom don’t laugh)– It’s not about me. Leadership means being a servant. Being humble, unselfish, and vulnerable.
So, yea. Leadership is not as easy as I thought it would be. But after two months of it, I realized that it’s just the challenge I need!
