Most of you know my family has had a rocky road in the past. If you have read through my past blogs, that was something I unexpectedly had to work through while I was on the race. It always seems as though the things you thought were over and done with sneak up on you.
I remember countless days from Cambodia to Latvia that I would pray for a change…pray for my heart to change and soften towards my dad as my mom and him worked on their marriage and we tried to mend the torn pieces of our family that remained. I prayed that my Dad would come to know what faith looked like. I prayed that our family would be sewn back together. I prayed that the ugliness brewing inside, would leave me.
This whole time I wondered what it would look like to forgive someone you had so much anger towards….but slowly God starting softening my heart….
It started in Kenya…I never anticipated either of my parents coming to visit, let alone my dad. As the children in tattered clothing ran up to him, he would just giggle and walk with them hand in hand down the dusty roads to their homes. I watched as God worked on his heart and mine that week..showing him little miracles that were much more than coincidences.
my heart softened more…
Since then, I have returned and things have been going on as usual. I had been planning a 5K/10K run called the Diva Dash. My parents were coming to help me out for the day and had planned on leaving early to go racing. Racing has been a huge part of my life for my entire life. This year after 38 years of racing, my dad has made the brave decision to retire and focus on his family.
I was a bit disappointed about them leaving early the day of the Diva Dash, so in my naturally dramatic nature made a fuss about it…then apologized realizing the fuss was not necessary (as usual). My dad unexpectedly texted me saying that they would stay and that racing has come first for too long…..
my heart softened more…
Then came the day of the Diva Dash as I ran around like a crazy person, he stood by my side and helped me through all of it. He was taking a video of me at the start line while I gave my speech and I just giggled as I saw him taking it all in…
my heart softened more…
After it all was said and done, I was talking with a friend on the phone and trying to explain to her how the Diva Dash went…I realized that for the first time in my entire life…. my Dad actually saw me. He taken off whatever was blocking his sight and saw who his daughter was and what she was passionate about. I feel like I have been waiting for 27 years, 4 months, and 15 days to feel that way.
my heart softened more…
Since the Diva Dash my dad made another bold move…and sold his race car….I can't imagine how he is feeling after 38 years of excitement, passion, sweat, and tears over one of the loves of his life, car #54. He is so brave to watch it pull out of the driveway…..but just know Dad that I see what you are doing…I feel it…and I appreciate it more than you will ever know…you are doing the right thing…
If I am being honest, I never actually thought it would happen…but the day has come and Dad, I forgive you. I want to start over…you are truly a changed man and am so proud to call you my dad….and I will thank God everyday for what He has done in you…
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. -Matthew 18:21
