Hello fellow readers,
I apologize for how long it has taken me to write this blog, but I have a lot of unpacking to do about what has happened over the past few months.
I would like to start by clarifying my faith journey. Up until about a year ago my faith was pretty unknown to me. For those of you who cringe when you read these blogs or struggle to understand why I am going on this mission trip, know that I have had the same battle for years. The only way I can leave for this trip is to come completely clean and bring to light what I protect and hide away.
Last summer while I was on the mission trip with my high school youth, I found out devastating information about my family. At that point, in the middle of Osage, OK in 115 degree weather, I feel to my knees and asked for help. I was not exactly sure if I was asking the right person, but I have never cried or prayed so hard in my life. At that point, I had nowhere else to go and I was honestly forced to turn to someone I was so scared to open up to and that person was God.
Here is the catch, I did not just wake up the next morning and decide to hand my life over to God and become a missionary. NO, it is something I have been struggling with since that very moment. I have had to realize, I am not in control although I desperately want to be.
Many of you might think I am overjoyed to leave on this trip and travel the world, when in reality this journey will be the hardest challenge I have gone through yet. My heart weighs heavy with the goodbyes I have ahead of me. However, I am constantly reminded that I am not in control and that someone else has a master plan for me. I have considered countless times not going on the World Race, but in the end doors are opening for me and I cannot just look away.
I had training camp this past week, which challenged every part of me including my faith. I felt broken and then built back up and broken yet again, which reflects what will happen in this next year. At camp, a woman on my squad told me that she saw me as a shepherd watching over my flock. She said when one sheep would stray; I would quickly herd it back to the others making sure every sheep was tended to. I teared up knowing that is why it is so hard for me to leave all of you. I want to be here keeping watch.
However, God has so many great plans for me and he has put all of the members of my squad with me to protect me and help me grow. I can only hope I come back a better version of me.
I feel as if through fundraising, I have already been stretched. I have been connected and supported by many great people. I have also been able to see the power in my story and use that to reach others.
Thank you for reading, listening, supporting, and praying.
Mathew 5:13-16
“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds glorify your father in heaven.”
