I’m desperate, I am hungry, I am hurting, I am sad, I am lonely, I am in need of desperate help..
I am sure your reading this and asking yourself questions like how in the world can you be desperate, do you not see what you have?
Stephani you have food on the table everyday even if it is just peanut butter and jelly, how can you possibly be that hungry?
You’re healthy and your taking good care of your body, God is protecting you, it’s not like you have a broken bone or anything how can you be hurting; your healed of past hurt?
You have so much joy and excitement, you laugh all the time and I always see you smiling, how can you have all that and be sad inside?
Lonely that’s almost impossible for the next 11 months you are living in constant community 24/7 there is no way you can get lonely in that setting, if anything you need alone time?
How could YOU use help!?
I’ve realized that there are some things that I am battling, things that I cannot work through alone, I need
help. Have you ever prayed that God would break your heart? Well truly think about what you are praying because God hears you, and you best believe he will answer and it hurts, it’s sad, you need help.
Most of my life I’ve tried to live as that good Christian would, I didn’t drink, do drugs, have sex, I read my Bible, I went to church every Sunday, boyfriends were something I didn’t need or want, I encouraged other girls, helped in their walk, and I would say a prayer before I went to bed. That’s what I was supposed to do right? Well during my time so far God is showing me to open my eyes, he is opening me up to a new Christian life.
I feel so desperate, I am lonely, I cannot do things on my own anymore, I am weak.
I am desperate and I am hungry for God, I can’t do this alone, I cannot control the path I take and what I do, I am not in control of my life, God is! I am desperate for his love, his help, his comfort, his spirit, his voice, his courage; I am desperate for all he has to offer me. I want to hear God, I want the spirit to bring us face to face, i have to seek him in all I do and what he wants me to do, not what I want to do. I want him to speak to me every day all day long, through my worship, prayer, writing, alone time, talking with ladies, playing with kids, or chopping down a jungle, I want to hear him, and His presence to flow out of me.
Are you desperately living for God?
Are you desperately seeking Him, are you lost without him? Do you desperately depend on him for the things we easily look past like another breath to live a little longer, we seriously can’t live without him and his grace we need to be desperate for him. Lately God has brought me to tears, he has made my heart thump till I thought it would thump out of my chest, I love my God and I am desperate for him, I need him, I cannot live without Him I cannot do this journey alone, it is hard and will only get harder. However I can do this with God, he gives me strength, he guides me and protects me if I depend on him every second of my day and I let him take control, it is time to walk in the spirit. He is living in me and I can conquer these next 7 months because his presence is living in me!
But you ask why are you hurting, this all sounds so great? But I laugh and say have you ever heard “Break my heart for what breaks yours?”….
