Growing up, my life wasn’t exactly white picket fence, perfect family. Then again, who really has that? I grew up with both of my parents being addicts. Throughout my life I have been to ten different schools, Kindergarten to College, in two different states. I know what it is like to move around from house to house, apartment to apartment, and also studio to motel. I’ve bounced back and forth between my mother and father until my mother could no longer care for me and my grandmother received custody of the my brothers and I. With all the moving around I never felt like I fit in. It wasn’t until college when I found out who I was. With everything life had given me I always had a big heart. In college I used it to help others and found that was my passion in life.
With all this and more that has happened in my life, I always knew God was watching me. I grew up in church. When I was younger I couldn’t get enough of my youth group and being involved. Unfortunately with all the moving around and growing older, my walk with God came to a halt. I always knew he was there but I had the mentality of “I’m young, nothing will happen now. I’ll live a better Godly life later.”
After all my traveling I did and volunteering I realized, when the “later” part was going to come. My lukewarm relationship with God needed to end. I should be living that life NOW. For so long I let others interfere with my walk instead of taking over and letting Him walk through me. I will admit I was afraid. I’m only 23, yet I feel I have lived so much of this life. I have made so many mistakes that I carry with me every day. I don’t forgive easily, and I still sin every day. The amazing thing I have come to realize over the past few months is I believe in a forgiving God. He knows my heart and still chooses to love me. I may not have forgiven myself yet for some of the actions I’ve done, but I know a time will come that I do. My heart is so full now that I have accepted God back into my life. I want to show Him that every day I will prove to be a better being of myself than yesterday. He has plans for me. All I can do is pray and put my trust in Him.
