Dare to live FREE, Pt. 1

Perhaps my journey began when I chopped off all my hair.

It was scary. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe the number of times I stared in the mirror yanking my hair back, twisting my head side to side, trying to get a visual of what I would look like bald. It didn’t work. I had to just make the decision and stick with it–no turning back.

So off it went. I’d be lying if I said this is my favorite hairstyle; I’m working on fully loving the reflection in the mirror. Nevertheless, whenever I am asked what I think of it, there is one phrase that consistently comes to mind: I feel free.

Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I now understand that God was preparing me for a journey towards fully embracing how he defines freedom over the next 11 months.

I touched down in the Philippines on October 11. This month we are staying at The Children’s Garden of the Philippines. It is a home that currently houses ten boys who once lived or were at risk of living on the streets. The boys come from tough backgrounds and most have been exposed to hardships you wouldn’t wish on your enemy.

I have so much to say about this place already. But for the sake of this post, I want to focus on how God prematurely kicked off my journey just before I stepped foot on a plane.

Prior to our 36 hour trek to the Philippines, we had a three day orientation in Atlanta. During worship on the first night, my heart was heavy as I forced out lyrics that were hard to believe: We’ve been liberated from our bondage. We are the sons and the daughters. Let us sing our freedom.

A few days leading to orientation, I slipped back into a habit that I have fought to overcome for years. (For all my curious friends, read this.)

I sat in the hotel conference room feeling somewhat undeserving to even be there. Silently, I prayed for freedom. For forgiveness. Though I could have left it there, God had a better plan to seal the deal. Moments after worship, my teammate’s mother prayed over me.

“Lord, I pray freedom for Stella. I am not sure why, but I feel as though you want to free her from something this weekend.”

As she spoke, the cinderblock started to lift from my heart and one eye popped open…Ummmm, did she hear my prayer? Is this woman an angel? This is pretty sweet.

Later that evening, I opened up to a teammate about everything. I told her how frustrated I was at myself for slipping up again. She was gentle. She assured me that I would experience freedom like never before during the Race. That I would joyfully share it with the people I encounter.

I felt even lighter.

At that point I could have left orientation feeling great, but the next day most definitely shattered the cinderblock completely.

A former Racer started an initiative called Keys for the Journey. Essentially he sells keys with a surprise word inscribed on it that was prayerfully chosen for each buyer. You wear the key as tangible reminder of what you should journey towards on the Race. When you’re ready, you pass the key on to whoever you feel led to give it to.

Seconds before I opened the pouch with my key I thought to myself: If this key says “freedom”, I swear I’ll scream.

Lo and behold, there it was: “FREE”

All caps.

Jesus, could you be any sweeter to me?!

And yes, I screamed.

God used that time to draw me back to him and prepare my heart for what was to come on the Race. To get over my self-pity and remind me that he set me free the moment he said “It is finished”.

Imagine if we dared to always operate in that freedom. If we stopped getting trapped in cycles of self-doubt, fear, sin, and pity; and lived our lives believing that freedom is grafted into our DNA. The world would be a different place. A far better one if you ask me.

Galatians 5:1 reads “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.”

I would be remised not to mention that one may argue that this is potentially a paradox. If we are free, then why are we commanded to operate under the standards of the Bible? Shouldn’t a free person have the liberty to indulge in any desire: whether sinful or pure?

While this is a respectable sentiment, I have come to understand that the author of freedom has a far more developed concept of what true liberation is. Jesus speaks about it throughout the gospels when he refers to the kingdom.

Throughout my life I have been fortunate to encounter glimpses of the kingdom in ways words on a screen would do no justice. My experience at orientation was simply a minuscule example of the kingdom breaking through. What God has to offer is far too grand to pass up and there is nothing that compares.

Each month I’ll be posting about ways God further develops my understanding of what eternal freedom looks like. So far in the Philippines I have marveled at these boys who, based on past scars, yearn all the more to experience what Jesus promises; and I can’t wait to witness what’s to come for them.

And to think, it all started with a pair of clippers.

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If you made it this far, thank you. Follow me on my journey towards FREE.