you broke me.
i was utterly worthless
to all who surrounded.
my skin cracked under the pressure
i put upon myself.
i tried to peel the dead skin.
i tried
alone.
the flesh under was only
worse than before.
then you saw me
tearing at myself.
and you held my bloody nails
to your heart.
“my love,
why?”
i thought he would tell me to stop.
i thought he would shame me.
“why?
why do you do this alone?
let me help you.”
he grabbed my cracked skin
and tore.
he tore
until I couldn’t breathe from the pain.
every tear
deeper than the one before.
i asked him through panted breaths
“why do you do this to me?
i hurt for you.”
i began to scream then.
“was i not beautiful before?”
but then he stopped.
and i looked down at my skin.
i was glowing.
These words were put heavily on my heart a few days ago during quiet time. They weren’t words I asked for, or even necessarily understood immediately for myself. Thankfully though, through prayer, I understand now that I have learned to walk in freedom, only through painful growth and help from the Lord. Growth is good and uncomfortable, I’m quickly learning that, but will result in such light. I am thankful for the layers peeling off so painfully, I am thankful for the light pouring through those cracks. I am thankful for my new team and for this new country, both resulting in that unexpected light.
