Have you ever felt panicked and in desperate need of some sort of help? An example that always come to mind when I think of this type of situation is being trapped under water. I have always loved the water and enjoyed water activities but there is also something kind of frightening about it. I remember one time in particular we were at the pool swimming and there was a big floating foam boat we were all playing on. We were playing a game where the girls would start on the boat and the guys would try and flip it over and get on before the girls could get back on. I was on the boat and us girls were struggling to keep it from flipping. Finally the boys managed to flip the boat over and began climbing on. I was in the middle of the boat when it flipped and was not able to get to the side before it flipped over so I got stuck underneath. With all the people trying to get back on the boat/push each other off I couldn’t get out from under the boat and there was a time of panic as I was in need of air and couldn’t get out from under the boat.
Eventually I was able to get out and I was a little out of breath but I recovered fast and no damage or permanent fear was instilled. However, this same feeling comes over me from time to time when I am going about my life engaging in my daily routine and suddenly something happens that causes a moment or time of panic. Sometimes it is I realize I have overbooked myself and just overwhelmed with my commitments and what needs to be done. Sometimes it is being overwhelmed by the needs and opportunities to serve and not knowing where or how to get involved. Sometimes it is feeling like there are a lot of people in need of help, support, encouragement etc. and that I just can’t be there for everyone the way they want me to. Lately it has been overwhelmed about the preparation that needs to happen for the race.
Transitions are weird, uncomfortable times. I like new environments and situations and I like change but I don’t like transitions. I don’t like when you are preparing for something to change and looking to a new and different future while still trying to live and engage in the present. I mean it is hard to be fully present in my environment and committed in my community for the summer while I prepare to travel the world in the fall. Sometimes I find myself not thinking or preparing for the fall at all and other times I find I am forgetting to be in the present because all I am thinking about is the fall. I don’t know much about outdoor gear. I don’t know what is the best equipment or what I will want and like while I am gone. It is stressful shopping for 11 months of supplies to be used in cultures and climates you are unfamiliar with. And then there is the financial burden of being stressed about how it is possible for the necessary funds to come through.
I am learning that I don’t need to know the HOW for everything. I don’t need to understand How God will carry out his plan I just need to trust him that he has a plan and be willing to be used how he wants me to be used.
Thank-you so much for all those who have already supported me. This journey would not be possible without your generous support and I am getting closer to reaching my first goal of $3,500. Thanks again!
