i’ve been very hesitant in writing this first post and being transparent with everyone about everything leading up to this trip, and eventually what will be happening on this trip. so, welcome to my blog! this is where i will be sharing everything that happens on my trip, experiences, thoughts, prayers, updates, etc. so in advance, i apologize for the terrible/ improper grammar ahead of time. i know that it will happen at some point during this trip. (more specifically this apology is for you Greg, sorry.)
leading up to this decision:
in the past four years, i have moved to Tennessee for college, away from my family, having sickness, and eczema all testing every nerve i have for patience. that summer, i got an amazing job at CLIMBworks and I’ve been there ever since, meeting new friends and people everyday. my “sophomore” year of college was nothing as planned, i was no longer at the school i wanted, i had a rocky relationship with my parents, i had no idea what i was studying, and the classes i was taking didn’t spark any interest at all. so to make it easy, it sucked. (sorry momma.) summer 2016 tested me the most i think, so many things all at once spiraling out of my control. every little thing seemed like the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me. in the midst of it all i felt as if i was being pulled back to something that could help me, take away some of the bad, and heal me somehow. somehow it seemed as if it could show me that everything was going to be okay, even if i didn’t believe it right then and there. it seemed as if i was being pulled back to a special kind of relationship. that summer i wrote all my feelings in a journal, listening to good music. i sat on top of my car looking at some of my favorite views and just wrote a jumbled up mess of words. The mountains, and the sunset, and stars acted as a clear and safe space allowing me to write things i was too scared to tell anybody else. I felt closest to God up on that mountain, while looking at the views and writing those words. anytime i was overwhelmed, (which was a lot that summer) that’s where you could find me.
so.
since then, i’ve been “on a break” with school.
since then, everyone keeps telling me i need to figure out what i want to do with my life because its going to be harder to go back the longer i keep waiting.
since then, i have NO IDEA what to do with my life career wise.
since then, i meet new people every single day at work and try and give them two great, fun hours up in the mountains.
since then, I still go to that spot and write when things get heavy and hard.
since then, i met a woman who has gone on 5(!!!!) mission trips to Kenya, helping orphans and children for a trip of a lifetime. not once, but 5 TIMES! that’s something that has stuck with me, doing something for others and not myself. experiencing a completely different change of pace in a country nowhere nearly developed as ours. this woman, after two hours of meeting her, i was given a little blue sticky note, with ‘adventures in missions’ on it and a bible verse, a hug goodbye and a reassurance that if God wants me on a path, he will let me know to follow it.
Why i am doing the race and this route:
i’ve had a big interest in adoption/foster care for a quite a while now, but I’ve been too scared to go head first into fully committing to it or seeing all the options. i feel connected to this in a way. i saw the route options for the race and was immediately drawn to Ethiopia. i read the description for the mission and couldn’t start the process soon enough. i tried talking myself out of it in the most steele-like manner possible, but i did it. i pushed the doubt aside and finished the application this time around. i knew this was a part of the path i was supposed to be following. i’ve never been more sure of anything.
So, with this route, i will be gone for three months to Ethiopia with an organization called HOPEthiopia helping give love and security to children rejected/ abandoned due to AIDS epidemic and other social conditions. the second half of the mission is to help provide retired pastors a place to live for the children to be given “grandparents” for the entire community.
this process and journey is going to be difficult, challenging, rewarding, and joyful. heck, i’ve already been struggling just writing this first post. it’s taken forever! these words took forever to come out in a way i felt was “good enough.” i will probably never think anything i put on here is “good enough”, but i hope that this trip allows me to feel like what’s on my heart and within myself can be “good enough.” i’ve become aware of how often i stop myself from things because of self doubt and insecurities. i have felt like i’ve been missing a purpose. i believe this trip is going to help bring my purpose in this gigantic world come alive. i believe everything leading to this is for a reason and apart of a plan. i believe i was supposed to meet a stranger on just a normal day at work and it become something so meaningful. i know i was supposed to be given this special appreciation from a stranger to spark something inside myself, even if i took a whole year to follow through with it. i hope that i will not only change and effect my life for the better, but to do the same for others. if you decide to follow along with these blogs, thank you and i hope you enjoy reading my words and stories on my little journey. i appreciate your prayers, kind words, love, and support throughout this trip!
thank you, thank you
steele rayne
psalm 119:105
