The end is my favorite part of everything: Movies, books, television shows. In fact, I can’t even watch or read anything without finding out the end first. I like spoiling the ending because it prepares me for all the chaos, drama, or happiness that is to come. I absolutely MUST know the ending and of course my brothers and friends hate that I always spoil the ending for myself. When my brother went and watched the new Avengers before me, I made him tell me how it ended. When he refused to tell me more, I went and looked it up myself. It’s a force of habit to just find out and protect myself in the process. To be honest, not knowing how something is going to end scares me and that is why I always have to know it before I actually get there.
Being afraid of endings in fiction is one thing, but what is even scarier is having to face the endings of chapters in my own life. I’ve worked at my church for two years as the Children’s Ministry Assistant and have been working in the children’s ministry with the same kids for those two years. Although the kids can get a bit crazy, I love them and I have so much fun with them every Sunday. Being their teacher and getting to learn from them is such a blessing. I’ve been able to see their growth not just physically, but spiritually as well. It brought me to tears being able to see a handful of them get baptized and to see them draw closer and closer to God. Unfortunately, August 6th is my last day at work.
It’s weird and scary to start handing off your responsibilities and see everything continue without you as you’re closing this chapter of the book in preparation for the next. I cry more and more each time I think about the ending of what I know here and entering into something I don’t know. Especially when I think about saying good-bye to all the kids I’ve been with for two years. Not so long ago, we had VBS at our church, and for the first time, I wasn’t a teacher but a floater. Every so often, kids would come and hug me or say hi to me and then they would ask me why I wasn’t their teacher. I remember that first day as I stood there watching all the kiddos walk to their classrooms or play their games or just listen to their teachers. I wanted to cry because none of them know I’m leaving yet and I won’t be around next year to teach them anymore or watch them continue their relationship with God. Of course I know I’ll be back, but the fear of things not being the same and missing what happens in between scares me.
I still have two months until I leave and I am already thinking of the ending. How will my family react when I arrive back home? What awesome friendship would I have built along the way? What kind of stories would I have to tell? What will all my friends be like when I get back? What kind of things would I have missed? I haven’t even left and I am already curious of how this next chapter will end. Then I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 which says:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,a time for war and a time for peace.
For the first time I caught myself not wanting to fast forward to the end, but actually enjoy the ups and downs. I want to experience the middle, the now, to the fullest. I know God has a time for everything and right now is not the time to be thinking of the end of my trip but instead be enjoying the now. To laugh with my friends and make more memories; hug my family and spend time with them; to teach the children at church more and be able to learn from them as well. There is a time for everything and right now, the time is to live in the here and now instead of the what if’s of the future.
