Being gone so long, people I meet always ask if I miss home. My response is always the same, of course I do! I miss home but in a way, the Lord has given me this strange perspective of the 11 months feeling like only one week. When I was halfway through the race in South Africa, I told one of the girls there it just felt like Wednesday. Right now, it feels like Sunday and soon it’ll be Monday and I’ll be back at home. It’s weird to say I’ll be home in just 6 weeks; It was just Wednesday! Home sounds amazing after being gone for so long but in all honesty, I’m a bit nervous/scared.
I wasn’t nervous two months ago but I think as it gets closer to going home, I think more of what it may be like and it scares me.
- I’m excited to go back to church and visit all my girls in youth group and see all my church family but I’m scared of people having all these expectations of what I may be like. And yes I know, no one probably has expectations and I’m creating them myself, but when I have so much time to think here, that’s what I think of, the what if’s. Also, being bombarded by questions as soon as I get back and having to explain everything scares me. Talking to be people all the time is exhausting for me sometimes so the thought of having to talk so much as soon as I get home sounds overwhelming at times.
- I’m so excited to see my friends but I’m scared of not doing things I’ve learned on the race just because they may talk about me. Even if it’s not a negative talk or it’s just playing around, I’m not sure how I’ll react but I definitely don’t want that to stop me from continuing everything I’ve learned. People talking about me is sometimes intimidating but I don’t want it to scare me and hold me back.
- One of my biggest fears coming on the race was going back home at the end and there being lots of change. It’s not that concerning now but it still makes me nervous. I don’t like unexpected change and although there may not be a lot of things that have changed, I know things have. Coming home to things being a bit different and all my friends having experienced the same thing while I was gone makes me a bit of an outsider in a way and that scares me.
- I’m so excited to go home but I don’t want to say bye to all my new friends that I’ve been able to live life with 24/7 for the past 10 months. I can always talk to them on the phone but it won’t be the same. Like I’ve said before, I don’t like goodbyes and you’d think I’d be better now after saying bye to people I meet every month but I’m not.
- I’m so so SO excited to see my dog (Peluzza) again but I’m scared she won’t be as excited as I want her to be when I walk in.
But I know these fears are all in my head since I don’t know what to expect yet. I know once I get home, my fears won’t seem that big anymore. One thing I can definitely say is, going home will be bitter sweet just like it was when I left home.
