Put me anywhere, just put your glory in me
I’ll serve anywhere, just let me see your beauty
Those are the words I was singing over and over again last summer as I was about to say yes to squad leading M squad. I was completely aware of this huge thing I was about to step into, and I was freaking out. But at the end of it all, I knew that if my Father would just put His glory in me – His very presence in every fiber of my being – that I could do anything and go anywhere.
Almost a year later, I found myself singing the same chorus on a rooftop in Malaysia, with hot tears streaming down my face. I had just agreed to lead another squad.
Leading M squad was without a doubt the greatest season of my life (so far), so saying yes to another squad should’ve been easy, right? Wrong. I did not want to do it at all. I fought the Lord hard.
Leading another squad means that I won’t be able to be as involved with M squad and keeping up with staying in touch. It means that I don’t get to move back to my community that I love in Gainesville. It means that my very best friends are moving to other states and I don’t get to help them unpack and have one last dinner together in our apartment. It means some people think I’m making the wrong decision. It means I don’t get to resume Sunday lunch at my aunt’s. I’m missing even more births, and birthdays, and weddings, and the Mumford & Sons concert in September. It means greater distance in all of my relationships because let’s be honest, I’m not good at staying in touch when I’m thousands of miles away. It means more living out of a backpack and sweating 99.9% of the time. It means getting lice and eating a lot of rice and getting no rest.
It means dying to myself.
And there it hit me. I was having my break down moment with God, waving the above list (plus more) at him, and trying to convince him that my plans (though I didn’t really have any) were better than his, and Holy Spirit so gently said to me:
Of course it’s hard. It should be. Everyone would do it if it were easy. It’s hard because every season you’ve said yes to has been better than the last, so giving it up is hard, and that’s okay. But I’m asking you to lay down your life again and to surrender your plans, hopes , future, family, and friends one more time. And don’t you want to be a person that follows me wherever I’m leading, no matter the cost? You’ll never be without me.
Okay…when you put it that way, of course the answer is yes. Jesus has always, and will always be worth giving everything up for every single time.
So with that, I am squad leading the Q squad. This morning I made the decision to be completely excited and overjoyed that God chose me for this. I so believe in what we do at Adventures in Missions and the World Race. God is truly awakening a generation of radical Sons and Daughters to bring His love, glory, and Kingdom to this earth and I get to be a part of it in such a huge way. I’m so grateful.
Launch started today for leaders and all 50 of us leave for our first country, Thailand, on Sunday. I’d like to ask each of you to pray for us, that we would be completely open to whatever God has for this squad, no matter what it looks like, and no matter the cost. Pray for my co-leaders, Vanessa and Suzanne. And lastly, please pray about becoming a monthly supporter.
Vanessa and Suzanne, my new co-leaders
