Does
anyone have an adapter? Hey why isn’t there a wastebasket in the bathroom for
my toilet paper? What day is it? Did I miss something? When was the last time I
ate? Is it night or day? I feel disorientated, and I don’t know when I’m going
to stop feeling weird. This bed is so comfortable that it’s making my back
hurt. I don’t care. I love it.
What’s
it going to be like when I see my friends and family? I can’t think about that
too much, so I’ll just keep facebooking. That’s pretty much what I do anyway. I
sleep. Wakeup. Change facebook status. Eat. Talk about how weird this all is.
Cry. Try to do something productive, or is that pushing it too much? I think I
should sleep again. Make a plan to see someone. No, I think I’ll stalk racers
on facebook. I feel like a stranger here. I understand everyone and what
they’re saying, but they definitely do not understand me and my language. They
don’t understand why I’m eating food and exclaiming over cinnamon toast crunch.
I’m
home, but it doesn’t feel like home. It looks like home, but I don’t know what
to do here. I want to be running around everywhere just doing everything I used
to do, but I think doing little to nothing might be better. I’m in California
but I haven’t really left the hotel. It doesn’t feel like I’m here then. Maybe
when I go to Yogurtland, I’ll feel like I’m home. Maybe when I go to the gym
and get my butt kicked. Maybe when I hug all my homies and sit with them over
coffee. That would be epic for sure.
I’m
with my girls. I’m with Tamica, Stacy, Drea and the gift of God, Pam. I’m doing
this re-entry thing with a community of women that I couldn’t be more thankful
for. We’ve been grieving together, in shock about being America and struggling
through this. We’ve been together since training camp, pre-race, the year and
now as we re-enter. I wouldn’t have had it any other way, and neither would
they. We wake up and go to sleep at weird times. We have amazing breakfasts,
chat over free coffee with vanilla creamer. We try to push through the days,
laughing, crying, reconnecting with friends over the phone and then look
forward to wine, cheese and dinner hour at 5:30. We share our stories from the
year and can’t stop talking about God’s faithfulness. We watch the end of the
year video together each day and laugh and cry. When one of us breaks, the
other is there to pray and love on the other. We’re doing this thing, this
coming back to America thing and it’s officially healing season. Not everyone
is going to understand, relate or sympathize in everyway but it’s okay. We’re
secure. Never forgotten, rejected, denied any love or affection and we have a
purpose that is never shaken. We’re women of God. We’re women that know our
purpose, have met our Maker everyday on this wild journey and we couldn’t be
more filled with His perfect love. Fear is not our friend, we have feared man and
everything else in between and now we stand united, fearing God because HE is
Holy, and we have perfect peace in the midst of the uncertain storms of life. We
walk confidently with our bridegroom Jesus, as He puts His glory on display in
our lives. We have a voice, a story, and a heart that beats for more. Why? We
met the ONE who gave us this voice. We met the voiceless, and advocated for
them. We met the ONE who gave us this story, and many more to come. We met
those with a story, heartbreaking, glorious and still unfolding. We met the ONE
who gave us His heart for Him, and showed us how to walk in purity. We met
those who shared their heart and helped them find God’s heart for them.
We are
women that look in the mirror and see Jesus. We see HOPE, LIFE, PURITY, PEACE,
GRACE, PERFECT LOVE, COMPASSION AND BEAUTY.
Tamica, Stacy, Drea, Ashley, Lindsay, and Birkleigh
I
sit here on my comfy hotel bed, not forgetting for a moment the faithfulness of
God. I can’t, He’s surrounding me with His Spirit that is comforting me every
moment. He’s surrounding me with women that are seeking hard after Him, and
we’re loving each other through this. We’re not just going to be fine, we’re
going to be even stronger than when we started and this time it’s not our own
journey. It’s our collective journey here in America, and wherever we go.
P.S.
Ashley is home in Missouri but was with us for the first night as we
prayed, cried and laughed. We miss her so much and doing this without
her is not the same. We love you Ash! Lindsay had the awesome surprise
of her parents coming to the airport the day we arrived and now she’s
loving on her sussy! We see her tomorrow and will be loving on her for
sure!!!
What’s next for all of us? That’s for the next blog for sure cause it’s definitely EPIC!! For now, we love Him, each other and whoever God puts in front of us….and that is a gift that never stops feeling like home.
