When I first arrived at the orphanage here in Guatemala, I
found it very difficult to relate to the kids. And it isn’t because I don’t
like children. On the contrary, I adore kids. But with these children, it was
so difficult for me to look past their disabilities and see the child of God
inside. Rather, their disabilities annoyed me. The constant screaming, the
messiness, the pulling my hair… it was just more than I was ready to handle.
Then, one by one, I started to notice their personalities. Andrea loves to be held. Candi loves to smile and to
clap everyone’s hands. Andres loves learning to walk, and is always smiling.
Helen is a little clown, always dancing, giggling, and making everyone laugh.
She runs out of the house in the morning, arms out wide yelling “HOLA!” and
embracing anyone and everyone in a hug.
But it still wasn’t enough.
Then, one day, I watched one of the nannies stretching
Christopher. We rarely see him because he lays in bed all day, unable to move,
unable to talk, unable to eat (apart from a feeding tube), even unable to see.
Seizures shake his body more often than not. It’s a miracle he’s still alive,
and in this culture, a miracle that he was not abandoned. I stared, in awe,
wondering “God,
what is the purpose for his life?” He will never amount to anything.
He will never be able to do anything more than lay in bed. Why is he on this
earth? Wouldn’t it be better if he died and went to heaven? Why God, why would
you make someone like this?
He is here in this home, but still he is neglected. It took
us a week to even realize he existed. He can’t see, but he must know. So I started reading to him. Only twice so far, but
in the two hours I’ve spent, I’ve covered a good portion of the New Testament.
When he isn’t seizing, he just lays and looks in my general direction. So I
keep reading. He probably doesn’t know English. He might not even know Spanish.
But he must know
love and attention.
Regardless of what it does for him, it soothes me. It makes
me relax. It makes me feel peaceful. It keeps in engaged in scripture. It
allows me to reach out to someone who is difficult to love. Maybe this is his
purpose, to allow others to love. Maybe not, but God has a reason, I
just wish I knew what it was.
