If Not Me, Who?

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It’s 3:30 am and I can’t sleep.  Brian is lying beside me coughing his lungs
up.  He’s been sick for two weeks
now.  But it’s not his coughing that is
keeping me awake.

I have watched my husband’s growth in leadership be
redefined since we’ve left the States and could not be more proud.  He’s been doing such an amazing job at
leading not only our small team, but stepping up within our squad as well.  I have watched him run circles around logistics,
usher our squad to exactly where they need to be with the utmost sensitivity to
the Spirit, and handle complex interpersonal situations with extreme love and
grace.  It has not been easy for him, but
he has pushed through like a champ, always doing what is best for the team with
an unselfish disregard for how it might affect him personally. 

So why are these thoughts keeping me from my precious beauty
sleep?

Brian and I have maintained the mentality coming onto the
race that no matter what the need is around us, our marriage is our top
ministry priority.  We have done a pretty
good job of keeping our marriage healthy so far out here.  Well, as his sickness has lingered, I have
gently encouraged him to rest and take the time he needs to get healthy.  However, especially when he’s responsible for
other people, he will not put himself first. 
He is too humble (and stubborn) to admit it, but he needs to be served
right now.  Though I have done my best to
support and encourage him in his leadership decisions and be his biggest
cheerleader, it is crystal clear to me in this moment that that is not
enough.  I need to drop everything else
and until he’s 110% better, he needs to be my sole ministry.  I need to take care of him so he can take
care of others.  I do not believe it’s
mere coincidence that he’s been sick for so long.  There is a battle going on.  We are one, and I must stand in the gap for
him right now.