I got my first boyfriend when I was 13. For the next ten years I never went more than a couple months being single. Like a lot of women, I thought my worth was found in having a man, better yet, having a mans attention. Let’s be real here. I’m not alone. Women, sisters, I’m speaking to you.
In college, I found myself in a terrible relationship. But I remember thinking it was better to have someone, even if he treated me horribly, than to be alone. Yikes. God loved me too much to let me stay in that place of brokenness, carrying the weight of that lie. I asked Him for help and chose to accept the love and the healing He so freely gives. His love began to change my life and it continues to change me every day. Along the way he has taught me many things. But one of the most important lessons I have learned:
He showed me that I was right.
My worth is found in a man.
But all those years I was looking for it in the wrong man. The man who tells me my worth: Jesus Christ. He tells me I am worthy and I am beautiful. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I am worth dying for. The last four years I haven’t had a boyfriend but my days have held the most joy and I have felt more lovely, more beautiful than I ever did before.
God has taught me more about relationships and marriage in my singleness than I learned in every relationship I’ve ever been in combined.
But unfortunately, there are a lot of women all over the world that are in the same shoes I was a few years ago. They are looking to a man to tell them who they are and who they can be. In every single country I have stepped foot this year, I have seen it. This misplaced identity. The forgotten value. The restless hearts of women-searching, seeking, striving. Or equally terrible-the shut down, silent, closed up tight, locked away hearts of women. And if I hadn’t been in those shoes, I might not be as passionate about it as I am now. I always have loved shoes. (Wait. Nope. That’s something different.) The thing is, I can help them. I walked the road from where I was to where I am. And many of you have walked that same road. It’s time for us to set the example. It’s time for us to grab their hand and walk with them down the same road. We will all rejoice with ice cream and manicures when we reach the other side. Maybe we will dance to Taylor Swift (that is for you Team Undies + Laura).
{this is my soapbox. this is me standing on my soapbox, megaphone in hand).
There’s something special about a woman in love. You can see it. Her eyes shine. She has a bounce in her step. Even when she isn’t smiling, she is smiling. She is brave and tender and confident in a way that only comes when she knows she is loved. She doesn’t search for validation of her beauty through revealing more skin or adding more make up. She just knows, and you can tell when a woman just knows that she is beautiful. It is effortless and powerful and you can’t help but take notice.
Sisters in Christ, when the world looks at us, that is what they should see. And that’s not just for married women or those in a relationship. This is for all women. That head over heels love that starts in the heart but bubbles over joyfully on the surface-it’s for all of us. Every Daughter.
I wish I could say I only saw this struggle in non-believers. But that would not be true. I even saw it in the Church. It’s hard enough in America where we have freedom as women. I can’t tell you the added levels of bondage women are held captive to in other parts of the world.
But women, we were created for more. We were created to glow.
That glow is attractive. That radiance gives other women the courage to choose life with Jesus. They see it in you. They see it in us.
Being a woman is a beautiful thing. It is something to be celebrated. What if more of us women decided to celebrate each other, our differences and all, instead of tearing each other down? How amazing would that be?
Lets do it. Let’s celebrate each other. Let’s shout hooray and dance for joy at identity in Jesus. Worth found at the cross. And let us never ever grow tired of grabbing those hands and racing to the other side. The ice-cream and manicures are awesome…but the greatest reward waiting on the other side is the freedom found in the loving embrace of our Father.
Best,
Stacie C. Fields
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
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