the secret place.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned during squad leading, it’s the importance of rest. Not necessarily the physical kind of rest, but the spiritual kind. Most people I meet give me words about peace and how I bring a calmness to an environment; I’ve spent much of my life being the laid-back one that goes with the flow, hardly ever getting my feathers ruffled in situations. 

So, imagine my surprise when, with two weeks left of squad leading, I began to feel a deep sense of restlessness. A restlessness of trying to figure out what the past 2 years of investing in the nations and the World Race have meant. A restlessness for what the future holds. A restlessness of just being over it. Over packing my life up every 5-7 days. Over sleeping in multiple beds a month, while trying to convince myself that home is a place that resides in the soul. Over eating unhealthily most of the time. Over it. 

A few days ago, while visiting one of our all girl teams, I decided I needed some hardcore Jesus time. I hadn’t been alone in awhile, nor had I felt like I’d had any down-time from being “responsible”. So, I considered the options and chose the most alluring one; I decided to hike my little bum up a mountain, while wearing a dress and flip flops of course. I figured that God was always giving people huge revelations on the top of mountains so surely He had something lying in wait for me. With devotionals, my Bible, a pen and journal in tow, I hiked that mountain with relentless fervor. Surely if I could make it to the top then my spirit would feel at rest and the frustration from the weeks prior would just dissolve. Sounds simple enough, yeah?

I finally stopped and sat down when my body felt tired, my breathing shallowed, and I felt like I had actually moved forward into a place that was different than the one I had left. I had moved into a place with different scenery, but my Spirit was still crying out for rest. It was then that I realized I had dropped my pen along the journey; so, I was incapable of doing the very thing that I had set out to do, journal while hearing from the Lord.

I began to listen to my ipod and let the love of the Father flow over me. Suddenly, an incredible shift in my Spirit happened. It had nothing to do with where I was, and everything to do with who I believe the Lord is. Rest isn’t something that you find on the shore of a beach or by sleeping for days, it’s a place in your soul that only the Lord can fulfill. When we begin to operate out of ourselves, then restlessness takes over. When we begin to focus on self instead of the big picture, then restlessness takes over.

I don’t claim to have the whole idea of rest figured out; I’m sure that I’ll be learning what that means for me in the next few weeks. But, I do know that God promises that He’ll give us rest because He created us to operate from a place of rest. Not a place of stress and frustration. So, trusting in anything less of that is doubting that He is who He says He is.  

My life may seem a little crazy at times; that’s because it is. Sometimes it’s hard, but it’s always worth it. The sweet thing about complete surrender is that no matter where I am physically, I’ll always be found in the secret place of the Father. And that’s more than enough. It really is!