When I was in college, I thought I understood the concept of love. Love meant that I would be crazy about someone, so much that I would want to spend most of my time with them. And, if they reciprocated that feeling, then of course we were in “love”.
When I went on the World Race, I realized that my thoughts on love were very misguided. I thought I needed to earn affection. I thought I had to be something that I wasn’t to be loved. I thought I had to perform. I would like to say that I learned to love people during my 11 months on the Race, but I’d be lying. I learned to show love through smiles and to care about the needs of strangers, but when it came to the other Americans around me, I didn’t learn to love them through the hard things. I thought I did. Man, did I think I knew what it meant to love people hard. But, more often that not, I would throw my hands in the air and retreat when things got hard. In all actuality, I learned to receive love more than to give it. I learned to accept kind words when I didn’t believe them about myself. I learned that my voice actually does need to be heard. I learned that I am someone that is worth loving.
Fast-forward to the past 4 months of squad leading. My heart has been broken, restored, slightly cracked, restored, and completely won over by the 50 World Racers on B-squad. It hasn’t been easy. It’s actually been really hard. There were nights when tears streamed down my face from disappointment. There were days when anger stirred within me from frustration. Some days I’ve felt like the journey was completely uphill and I would never reach the top. Other days I felt like it was flying by entirely too fast and couldn’t imagine leaving them. I’ve been stretched in ways that I never imagined, but ultimately they’ve taught me what it means to love with the entirety of my heart.
Love is believing. Believing the best in people, even when their actions say otherwise or they don’t see the greatness that’s within them. Believing in people’s dreams (them believing in mine), and not letting them forget their passion.
Love is staying. Staying at the table, when there’s conflict & misunderstanding, it would be so much easier to give up, say screw it, and walk away.
Love is fighting. Fighting for people, when they can’t fight for themselves. Pulling things out of people, helping them recognize their value. Speaking words of truth, when they don’t want to believe it. Fighting to have courage to speak truth to each other and have difficult conversations that bring a deeper understanding.
Love is grace. full of grace, oh so much grace.
Love is humility. Based on the humility of being able to admit when you’re wrong & give or receive grace.
Love is trust. Trust that the people around you will still value you when you’re a mess & don’t have it all together. It’s ok to not be ok.
Love is selflessness. Giving of yourself so others can become who they’re supposed to be. Taking hits of frustration and stinging words of resistance to change. Pushing others forward.
Love is leaving. Definitely not the case in romantic love, obviously, but in the case of B-squad. Loving them meant leaving them. Being okay that my time of leadership is done and they are going to go deeper places and step into more places under new leadership.
To B squad: thank you for loving me, even when I was a hot mess :). Thank you for believing in the dreams that the Lord has given me, and for taking it a step further and actually being a part of the27project coming to fruition. Thank you for giving and receiving grace. You guys are so awesome and so loved!
Please continue to pray for B-squad. They just began their 5th month of ministry in Cambodia!
There’s a lot I learned about myself during my time with B-squad, specifically during our time in Thailand and Cambodia. The Lord is leading me into a deeper level of brokenness for human trafficking, one that is impossible to ignore. I’ll update you all soon about where the Lord is leading me next! Thank you for your prayers, support, and encouragement!
This song was a theme for me on my race, and it just recently made a re-appearance on B-squad. It stirs my heart. It’s truth.
Come away with me, come away with me.
It’s never too late, it’s not too late.
It’s not too late for you.
I have a plan for you.
It’s gonna be wild.
It’s gonna be great.
It’s gonna be full of Me.
Open up your heart and let Me in.
