After attending training camp for the World Race, I was really excited to see that so many guys would be traveling with the July squad. Like many young women, I’ve often times questioned where Christian guys fit into society. I’ve always waited expectantly for the men in my generation to “rise up” in boldness and take their place as spiritual leaders, when in reality most of my actions have been the very thing that hinders them from doing so.
I wrote in an earlier post about the fact that I couldn’t go anywhere without a guy in the Dominican Republic. Though it seems like a small thing, it presented me with the challenge of having to rely on a guy for basically every decision that I wanted to make. If you know much about me, then you know that this didn’t sit well with me….naturally, my stubborn and independent nature made the task less than appealing to the guys in our house. Bless their sweet little hearts…they just wanted to respect the rules, but those very rules seemed to threaten much of who I am.
Most of the guys that I’ve allowed into my life in relationships are ones that went through great effort to gain my trust and then used that trust for their own benefit. During the past year, I’ve tried unsuccessfully to truly trust guys, whether it be in friendships or relationships. Keep in mind that I do have a few very close guy friends that I love and know that they would never intentionally hurt me (you guys are exempt from my generalizations haha). I now realize that satan has used my experience with a few shady characters as a foot-hold to define pretty much the entire male gender, besides my daddy and brother in law of course, as unreliable and inconsiderate. You’re probably thinking that sounds a bit harsh, and it is…. but it’s what I believed. Can you imagine a guy even attempting to be friends with me or date me while I had this perspective? Ha…good luck with that.
The fact that the presence of a guy in the Dominican Republic was the main thing that would defer most danger challenged my mentality towards men stepping into the role of spiritual leader. One day, we really wanted to have lunch with just three of us girls. But, in order to honor the rules, we asked two guys to follow us from a short distance behind and not talk to us. I thought it was absolutely ridiculous, but was grateful that they would spend hours looking like creepers following us so that we could have our space.
Before the month in the Dominican Republic, I would have been quick to defend my reasonings for not relying more on guys to lead me. After all, how can I rely on them if they are supposed to be bold and confident, yet are still hesitant in their faith? To which I would now respond, how can they be bold and confident if I continuously demand that there be a power struggle? Just like the saying “if you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem”, if I’m ignoring the fact that the guys in my generation need to be encouraged in order to be bold, then aren’t I part of the problem also?
I’m definitely not saying that I’m not capable of doing things because I’m a woman, but I am saying that God designed me to follow the lead of a man. At the same time, it’s perfectly okay that I’m single and pursuing God and only God; desiring to be led and loved by a man of God shouldn’t define who I am, nor will it.
I’m learning that it’s okay to allow guys to carry my bags, although it does make it quite humorous when it’s my purse full of groceries, they are stronger so I have no clue why I never caught on to taking advantage of that. It’s okay for them to step up and speak on my behalf in cultures that just really don’t want to listen to me because I’m a woman. Basically, I’ve learned that who I am in Christ isn’t threatened by following someone else’s lead. It hasn’t been an easy lesson to learn and I’m still learning, but I’m keeping a much more open-mind than I had previously 🙂
