God’s timing is a funny thing. It’s perfect and confusing all at the same time. Going into the race I didn’t have too many expectations but I did think that our ministry would consist of talking to people in one way or another. I’m not very good at this. I’m shy with new people and I get freaked out about saying the wrong things. It’s something I’m definitely working on but people are scary to me. When I found out we were doing manual labor I was actually so pumped because I really like working hard and serving people in that way. I feel like it’s safe and something I can’t mess up. Its clear and direct and sometimes I don’t really have to think a lot about.
However, books are way heavier than I thought, shipping crates are the hottest things ever, and your legs can actually drip sweat. 6 hour days of lifting and organizing books is HARD but I’m quickly realizing that I can do hard things. I heard someone tell me that this summer and I didn’t think much about it much at first but now it is something I tell myself daily. Books covered in plastic are slippery, and most of the time the stack of books that you just spent all your energy putting up will fall down and you’ll have to do it again. It’s frustrating and sometimes you just have to go to the back of the crate and scream. Then you just gotta go back out and laugh it off and realize that things could be much worse. That’s just life though. Most of the time it is great and amazing and sweet, but sometimes things come crashing down and you just gotta pick it back up and learn from it.
At the ministry site that we’re at, there aren’t many people around. It’s nice because we can play music and be loud and talk and laugh and have a grand old time, but its hard because sometimes I do wish there were some people we could talk to a little bit. There is a Thai lady that lives close by who brings us fruit every once in a while and we could not be more appreciative each and every time. She is great and we love her dearly. There’s a cow across the road that we named Karen and she’s the cutest thing I have ever seen. But just no people. The Lord is intentional with everything He does. Im quickly realizing that I got put in this ministry first to show me that God’s got me and he knew that starting with something I am comfortable with would actually be good for me because being so comfortable, is making me want to be in more uncomfortable situations. Wow that is really confusing but it makes sense in my own head. I’ve been branching out little by little to people and trying to get more comfortable with it. I’ve found myself asking God to wreck me and put me in hard situations because I have a hunger to grow. To go outside of my comfort zone and be left truly relying on God 100% of the time
The first day, our ministry host David, nicest man ever, explained to us that we are gonna be organizing sunday school material to send to people and places for free. That is really really cool. We’re counting and organizing these books and lessons for people to learn who Jesus is. When he said that, it was very easy to see how we are helping spread the knowledge of the Lord to all different places. The more we worked and the harder our jobs got, I found myself getting so caught up in the physical work of it all, that I lost sight of the end result and the REASON we are doing this. Sometimes it is easy for me to see how the Lord is working in my life. But to be completely honest, at other times it is also extremely hard. It’s very easy to see God in the good parts of my life, but it is harder for me to see where he was on the hard days also. But that is what the Lord is teaching me right now. To see him always, in everything, and focus more on things above, and less on earthly things. Still in shock at the fact that this is my life, but thanking God every dang day for getting me here:)))))
