I am officially 43% funded!!!!!
When I began this process fundraising seemed dark and daunting. I felt the pressure to find the money, almost like without me I would not go on the WorldRace. God has been wrecking this idea for me lately.
My new favorite song is “ WildFlowers” by Tom Petty.
The lyrics seem to echo the message Jesus wants me to hear.
Fundraising for the WorldRace has been HARD. Opening up to people telling them my story and my needs is HARD. Asking for help from people and knowing never in my life will I repay the joy they have given me is HARD. Trusting that God will provide an insane amount of money is HARD.
Sometimes it is easier to get hung up on the number I lack. The skills I lack. And focus on what I lack instead of all He has provided. Because He has provided SO MUCH for me. People, words, experiences, and money. And He sings that to me each time I hear “WildFlowers” He uses the song to point to Matthew six. He tells us there to look at the wildflowers. Look at how beautiful and cared for they are. And, they are just flowers. Think of how much more He wants to clothe you in beauty and take care of you.
Tom Petty sings, “You belong among the wildflowers.” I hear Jesus whisper, “Soph, you belong among the beautiful and the cared for.”
“You belong somewhere you feel free.” And Jesus sings over me the tender message of worry and bondage. “Pray to me Sophie. And let it go.”
“You belong with love on your sleeve.” It this broken world loving others has a price, attachement. It hurts building relationships and having to them behind and in the hands of God. It hurts knowing all this could waste away when I leave. And yet Jesus shouts over my cries, “Love anyway.”
“I have seen no other that compares to you.” He cries out to me, “Sophie you are the only you I have ever made. You are unique, needed, and loved.”
He has been speaking to me sweetly lately. With whispers of love He will speak into those moments I want so desperately to hide away. Today, He is calling me, Wildflower. He’s been singing the sweet melody over me.
My Father has been singing the everlasting truths over me since before I was conceived, but only recently have I been willing to listen. Father wants me to be free, and I want that too only I tend to ignore His directions in arriving there. Everytime I read the stories of Jesus’s miracles He tells them, “Go and be free.” and yet I wallow. I sit in the puddle of my inadequacy and short comings and declare over myself my deep unworthiness. I sit on my mat of lies and ask Jesus to move me. He declares, “No, daughter freedom is found in one step toward me.” But time and time again I shake my head at Him. After all, doesn’t Jesus know I know better than Him?
But time and time again He will remind me of His intent and ultimately my worth. He’ll whisper in my ear, “Wildflower, this isn’t what I want for you.” He doesn’t want me stressed out or in a frantic state. He calls me Wildflower because He intends to meet my needs. He intends to care for me so beautifully and magnificently.
Thanks for reading!!!
