Wow, so this is it….the first blog post! I am totally blown away at what the Lord has done over the last year in particular. This time last year, I was lost…I was hurting…and confused..and to be honest I did not care a thing about following Jesus or abiding in Him or any of the things I now see as greatest priority in my life. I was broken following a failed engagement with the woman I loved and I was miserable. Sure I had asked Jesus into my heart as a child but I didn’t truly experience Him in a supernatural way until I was at the bottom… at the end of myself. Several weeks after the engagement was broken off, I felt this need to reach out to an old acquaintance from high school. His name was Kelsey and just from seeing his facebook pics over the years I knew he had struggled and been a part of a lot of the same kind of shenanigans that I had. Kelsey had recently been posting about Passion City Church and with everything going on with the breaking off of the engagement..I knew I needed something….I just wasn’t sure what…. At the time, I had no idea that Holy Spirit was the one telling me to reach out to Kels but as I look back it’s so apparent that Big Papa God was calling me out of darkness through this event. So..I reach out to Kels and we end up having a conversation that changed my life……We talked about the guilt that came from hurting those that loved me so much during my addiction to amphetamines and how I didn’t know how I would ever be able to forgive myself. In that vulnerable moment Jesus spoke through Kels and he said “Bro, you don’t have to forgive yourself, you’re already forgiven!” As soon as those words came across the phone I felt that unbearable weight that I had been carrying totally come off my shoulders. Jesus blew my mind in that moment. The second life changing exchange came when I asked Kels about where wisdom and guidance and direction come from. I had tried for years to pray and hear god (mostly only in times of distress) and had never felt as if I was hearing from HIM. Kelsey asked me one question: “how many times have you opened your Bible after you’ve prayed?” The only thing I could do was to laugh and say “never, dude”. So he told me to close my eyes and ask God to put me on the page He wanted me on. My mind was blown as I turned to Mark 10:17-31. Jesus’s words in that passage seemed to wash over me like a crashing wave. I couldn’t believe He had spoken directly to me. So in that night, I learned I was forgiven, where guidance comes from, and experienced Jesus speaking directly to me. The whole event fanned this tiny little ember that had always been smoldering inside of me and turned it into a raging fire. Since that night last August, it’s been a crazy ride. There have definitely been mountain top and valley experiences, times when I wanted to rip my hair out and times when I wanted to be ugly to people, but HE has used all of those things to shape my heart for what is next. Here I am today writing this first blog, getting ready to head out on the Race in a few months just thinking about how I never thought any of this was possible. The road to get here has been hard, but my Father is so faithful. I am excited to share this journey as I step into the next season that the Lord is calling me in to.
