Hello my friends! Let me tell you that these last 2 weeks have been jam-packed full of things the Lord is doing. Ridiculously so! If you read my last post, you may remember that we went to training camp and they suspended our internet use so that we could focus on God and one another. Good thing, because I think it did wonders! It was actually easy once I plugged into what we were doing. I will try to keep this short.
We left the city of Chiang Mai to go visit David Eubank, whom I spoke of in my last post, and he extended the invitation for us to have our training there on his ranch property. Here is a picture of how beautiful it is.
In this setting, we were able to join as a group of 23, with our leaders making about 30 people, and just dive into the word and the work of God. We learned many things, like listening prayer and how ministry starts in one’s own heart before it can ever be effective for the Kingdom of God. Several things resonated with me, but instead of going into it all objectively, I would like to speak more on what God did in my heart.
When I came to Thailand, I thought I knew exactly what my issues were, and I was prepared to take them on. At camp, everything was flipped upside down. On the first night there, I distinctly heard from God in ways I had never before. During worship, I felt I was being blocked by something and instead of just accepting it, I asked for prayer. The man who prayed for me, Daniel, heard me out, then prayed for me. As he prayed he said something along the lines of “God, I pray that Simeon would realize that he doesn’t have to be perfect and get everything right every time” and it hit me upside the head like a ton of bricks. Instead of fighting it, I simply asked God, “Really, is that my problem?” and I heard a simple “Yep”. I was floored! I never even thought of that! I considered myself far from legalism and more of the free spirit type, but God revealed in that time and the time following that I was suffering under the weight of expectations I could not fulfill. During worship, after that prayer, we sang a song which said “I’m free to be who I am, I’m free to love you as I am” and it resonated with me so intensely that I began sobbing like a child. I felt such weight because I had gone to a place in my head of “Crap, I got something wrong again”, but that wasn’t what the issue was. I felt thankful that God pointed out the true issue which flew under my radar, and He was going to handle it. Surrounded by those 30 people, huddled arm over shoulder in a circle, singing those freeing words and gently rocking like a mothers arms, I let it go.
That night, I went to sleep in my hammock under the stars. At about 2am, I awoke immediately in conversation with God. It was uncanny, as if I had been speaking to him in a dream and awoke carrying on the same conversation. An image of a body appeared in my mind’s eye. The limbs were all contorted in grotesque fashion, and I heard God say (paraphrase) “This is you right now, your self. Either you were forced by people who had authority over you, or you chose to twist yourself into all of these molds over time which have left you like this, but none of them are who I created you to be. Like this, you can’t walk correctly. I have something better for you. Let me take care of it.” I was again floored, because I don’t get “visions” and images in my head. If I ever did, I ignored them because Southern Baptists don’t believe that kind of stuff. Even though I have shed the chains of denomination, I still revert to teachings I learned as a child, though I am a man. All I could do was thank God in this time, because I had no idea this was my issue! No wonder I lack the joy and power of God in my life! No wonder the Christian life just feels empty oftentimes, and witnessing just feels “off”. No wonder! The next day, I was sitting alone on the porch processing everything, and I heard God say “Simeon, you really have had it rough for a while now, believe it. You have been too hard on yourself, but this is a new season of refreshment where I am empowering you for ministry, and you don’t have to rely on yourself.” His words keep echoing through the conversations I am having and the things that are happening, and I feel weight has lifted and continues to lift from me as this truth sinks deeper in my heart through confirmation.
On a side note, this images in my head thing is again, completely new, but they are coming frequently and bearing all manner of fruit. You just don’t even know! I had a dream about a girl and another vision about her which matched, so I delivered it to her and it resonated with her. Later she approached me and said someone else had delivered a similar word which matched and how God was using that in her heart. Stuff like this keeps happening and helping me know I am not crazy and God is doing just as He said he was, equipping me for ministry. It’s new, it’s weird, but it’s good, and if it helps me deliver God’s love to people better, give me a triple-double portion. Folks, I don’t know everything, but if I know one think it is that God really LOVES US! I have a story about how he used these images from my team of 7 people to lead us to a specific man who needed prayer, and how that turned out. Hint: Amazing! You wont want to miss it. That blog post is next. God’s hand is moving with amazing speed, I can barely keep up, but here from the front lines I want you all to know that of every crazy thing God is doing, what really sticks out to me is the amazing lengths God goes to in order to love on us, and help us realize that love. I am incredibly blessed to be His mouthpiece for you. Regardless of where you are, or what you have done or intend to do, there is a God who created you, and He really does love you with an amazing love which levels mountains and holds back raging rivers to bring you to His arms. All He asks is that you simply come as you are. Be blessed!
