It’s the last few weeks here and as I look back on these three months it’s hard to put into to words how and what the Lord has done through me. It’s hard to describe the feelings that I have had through out this season because I’m pretty sure I’ve felt every single one of them.
I’ve been in the front line of feeding 100’s of hungry kids. I’ve talked hours on end with a group of girls that I adore. I’ve chased little nuggets around until I physically couldn’t move. I helped break down barriers and mend the broken hearts. I’ve prayed over a town that has happiness on the outside but if you look really close, you can see the cracks in the foundation. I’ve held sobbing children in my lap, who didn’t know what to do because their parents were splitting up, or they were moving to a new town, or their home life is unsafe and they are haunted by the past. I’ve laughed from the deepest bellows of my stomach until tears fell from my eyes. I’ve gotten upset over something I saw because I care about the kids I spend almost everyday with. I’ve had to explain what love is and what it looks like because some of the community kids don’t understand because it’s never been shown to them properly. I’ve gotten to tell how God has worked in my life. I got to share my testimony, and let whoever listened know that your pasts doesn’t define you. I’ve been dead tired and straight up annoyed but when the kids look at you with pure joy in their eyes you can’t help but forget everything you feel and just feed off of their energy. I’ve gotten empty cookie and ice cream buckets and took them to the feedings and gave them out to the kids who didn’t have bowls. I’ve ran back in forth through the rain making sure the kids that wanted lugaw didn’t have to walk out in it. I’ve sat and just listened to people talk. I got to jump up and down sharing the gospel. I have been broken down, but built back up through love.
I’m not a mom. I haven’t ever been put into that position. But the absolute most love I have for every single child I’ve met makes me think I’m pretty dang close to that “mom” feeling. No, the kids don’t go home with me. No, I don’t wash their bodies at night or put them to sleep. No, I don’t take them to school.
BUT
YES, I love all of them. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make sure they are safe and okay. I know as I go back to the states I won’t forget these children. As much as I have impacted them, that have impacted me way more. I’ve already promise to come back and I don’t ever intend on breaking that promise. There is a group of girls that live in the back community that has my complete heart. They don’t realize it but they stole my heart with in the first five minutes of meeting them. There is pure love, joy, happiness, courage, and compassion in all of them. But there is also sadness, hurt, pain, confusion and longing for some one to love them. And I do. More than they will ever know. It’s a feeling I can’t describe. There’s wasn’t a void before them, I didn’t feel like I was missing something. But, now I couldn’t imagine a life to where I didn’t know these girls.
